Little Snake

A clear night in November, family down a member, i wish this tale was a pretender, my heart in a blender,
Remember how it felt to surrender, 21 years of age my mama’s defender,
Can i rewind,
Can i have more time,
Can I could go back to the past to make all that was wrong into all that is fine
Can i can get all this pain out of my mind,

It was 6 pm as i walked through nana’s house as she stood in the kitchen wearing her usual blouse,
She asked if I was headed to work, i nodded yes, knowing that i had reasonable doubt,
I had a 12 hour shift at the hospital in town, i dreaded going there, dressing up the patients in gowns,
The status quo at home, made me feel so alone maybe all we had known would come crumbling down,
I cranked up the Chevy, ole reliable Rouge,
I started driving, but then came the urge to be confused,
A bad feeling came over me, so I picked up the phone, i called out, & didn’t care to say what the fuss was about,
Jobs have the tendency to misunderstand, to just reprimand,
They work you to the bone as if it’s in God’s plan,
They don’t understand,
I rather be with my family than punch their clock on demand,

A choice that led to the consequence of unemployment,
Not that wiping asses is something that i did for enjoyment,
I ended up at my cousin Tray’s further awaiting deployment,
Little did i know that later i would ask God for atonement,
“J can you come home?” my mother asked for my dire retreat,
The question echoed throughout the speakers as it played on repeat,
I knew my father had done something on which i couldn’t speak,
I picked up my phone & then i grabbed my keys,
At the time, i didn’t have the beam so i cranked the Chevy & i headed down the street, unaware of the problem I’d meet, my pops running amuck what i sight to see,
From the alcohol, lord can you set him free,
From the inability to see his wrongs, lord can you see him free,
It is what it is, what must is what was, so i guess this is how the lord wants things to be

To add insult to injury, the damage was done,
A new era of the Butler family rose like the sun,
No more driving in the car behind his back for fun,
No more teasing how I’d beat him in 2k runs,
Still bound by blood, but I feel I’m not his son,
The business was finished by why does it feel undone,
Now we’re on the outs, the past dynamic is shunned,
What happened next is how the sorry really begun,

Daddy give me the key, please grab your things & leave,
To no avail, he ignored my plea so frighteningly,
I approached then snatched the key before he could react to me,
He grabbed my legs, then the thought dawned on me,
“you’re fighting your father,” you’re really kicking him out,
Where would he go, who does he know, now he had to figure it out,
I got the key, he left the family portraits laying around,
Then police flooded the scene, i can’t forget the deafening sound,

Despite what had happened, that’s my father 100%,
I’m not proud of that encounter, in the afterlife I’ll repent,
I wish I capitalized more on the time that we spent,
I wish i wasn’t as stingy with all the money I’d lent,
But i was,
Now he’s probably thinking that i don’t even love him,
I do, but when the topic arises, my thoughts really amount to nothing,
I mean could you seriously confront your dad with mixed emotions without bluffing?
If you can, you’re better than me, my mind needs mental toughening,
With good, there is bad,
Life is a balance to be maintained,
Remember my first haircut,
Remember being potty-trained,
I didn’t choose sides,
I’m still a ride to your die,
You really hurt my mama, to her wishes, I’ll abide,
There are times when we weren’t truthful, times when we lied,
Times when i could have been more respectful & shown less pride,
Times when I’ve been stoic but really should have cried,
Despite all that, there’s still a picture of you on my bedside,
Yeah