Universe

I don't play poker, I cant hide emotions on my face
That being said, I'm always smiling in a public place
But I always do this just in case
There's something that I don't want to showcase
I'm racing against time, I'm losing the race
I just want to stay in my own safe space
Or just disappear without leaving a trace

I feel useless like I am a shadow in the dark
Convincing myself otherwise isn't a walk in the park
You don't think they hurt, but they do, the remarks
Good heart, bad hands, I'm dangerous like a shark
Sometimes it's just heat of the moment, takes one spark
Wish I could control myself, put my mind in park

Feeling claustrophobic, feeling boxed in
Used to be smart and happy, I'm a has been
Taking too many losses, rarely take a win
I don't even like being happy, feels like it's a sin
These thoughts are attached like a conjoined twin

This shit in my head feels like a curse
I feel constantly sick, somebody pls call a nurse
Living with this is so costly, open your purse
My only outlet is in a spoken word verse
Lost so much time, I want it reimbursed
Sometimes I don't know whether this makes it worse
No matter what I do I cannot seem to reverse
The prominent thoughts of being in a hearse
But I always say I'm ok, It's like I rehearse
The lies in my head that I tell the universe