My Name Is Satan

MY NAME IS SATAN and I want to tell you what to do. I'll make it worth your while to do the things I tell you to. With my protection guaranteeing not to make you dead, go home, get stoned, and shoot yourself in the head

(insert very nasty and extremely blasphemous middle eight here)

A lovely woman was your dear old mother, rest her soul. To bad you killed her for not doing just what she was told. With her intestines whizzing gleefully 'round my big head, go home, get stoned, and shoot yourself in the head

(insert backwards message not pertaining to anything religious or violent here)