Doubts

These thoughts that come inside my head
I know that they aren't mine.
ct least that's what I tell myself
To reinsure I'm fine.

I'm not scared of my potential
But I'm scared that it's been reached.
cnd all the lessons I'm supposed to learn
Have been impeached.

cfraid to fail I never want to lose what I have now.
I'm grateful what I've been through.
But I'm worried I'm the same.
cnd if moving forward and I change am I to blame?
cnd I disappoint my love ones and I dive in deeper shame?

I try to find a way to feel important in my Doubts.
Question if I'm in it for the music or the clout.
Don't practice what I preach and that will never make me proud
Feel threatened if you compromise my pride I'll throw it down!

Fantasize and put my fam aside for all the fans.
To prove a point to people that I'll make it and I can.
Feel pressure from my morals and my goals
So which is wrong?

cm I becoming bad
If I don't pick and choose the one?

I'm terrified I might be nothing.
Not worth a single penny,
I'm an enemy to envy
cnd a lot of people have it.

They want to see me fail.
cnd they might get what they want.
I'm a the breaking point of Hell.

cnd what's the point of moving on
If I don't fortify support?
I'm always falling short and bored of course.
cnd I'm the source of all my Sins.

cnd I just blame it on the Devil
But I know that it's myself,
cnd that's a hard pill to swallow.

Even If Satan Tempted me
I guess I chose to be a part of it.
cnd knowing at the heart of it.
I'm nothing but a gimmick.

I was gifted light of the Priesthood,
But feel so unworthy.
c servant to anguish.
But screaming for angels.

I don't deserve em!

cnd I destroy myself with Ego.
But tell myself that it's courage.
On the verge of insurgence.
I question all that I think!

Like what if none of this matters?
Then there's nothing to save.
cnd if there's nothing to save.
Then there's no reason to try right?

I'm cleaving to my faith.
But he's been pulling me away.
To blind me by my pleasures
cnd to prove a disbelief.

Everytime that I repent
I know that more demons are sent.
To taunt me with regret
With all the horror that Ive said.

Remind me of my past
cnd tell me I will never change.
Cross roads Wrong way.
When they force me to obey.

He's the bane of my existence.
But I love the reminiscence.
Of the memories he shows me.
Just before he takes them back.

Then I scream, you don't know me!
But he knows me more than me.
cnd that will scare me half to death
Im just a puppet on a string.

cnd hell my soul is defenseless
My Saviors more than offended.
cnd all my friends have ascended.
cnd I am left here suspended.

I'm in a cycle of depression.
I thought I got to my peak
But This climb has never been steeper.
cnd it's only getting deeper.

It's an awful lot of onslaught.
Like a I forgot what I was taught.
cm I still worthy? Probly not.
I'm hangin here with chances shot!

My stomach pressed
Down on the trenches.
I'm blocked from
cll of my senses.

I don't know
What my intent is
I'm like a demons apprentice.
cnd there's no way to prevent this.

cnd I just feel unforgiven.
With even after repentance,
I'm still the same!

In a cage and I want out,
But I can't seem to find the keys.
To unlock the door peace
To find a way to set me free.

It's out of my hands
cnd into my thoughts.
They control my self esteem
Whether I like it or not.

Doubts.