Alive [with love from azalea] (feat Seb, Corey Tattsman)

Part I: Recovery

(Bass Solo: Ace of Spades)

[intro]
I survived myself
Least for now I can go on and brave the hell that is within my mind
Time after time, I continue to climb
But day after day goes on...
It seems go back to that place
I hate to long for connection, and long for a body
That I can take solace in, I can feel comfort in...
Long time I’ve waited, most of it hated, and all else was just a distraction
The pain I feel, real, ignored, brushed aside, antagonized, it’s agonizing to brave this shit alone
So I take a knife...
Drive it into my arms...
And it all goes away...
At least for today...

[verse]
I tried to hide what goes on here
Deception built on paralyzing fear
Knives were the solution, to cut out my pain
But I carved out a piece of my soul
I’m not whole, now I’m left with what remains

[Chorus]
Can’t you see?
I’m alive, but my grip’s a bit weak
Oh, can’t I be just who I wanted to be?
I know you think I am who you think I am...
I may be alive, but death tends to stalk me while I’m a man

[verse]
I tried to hide my inner self
To shield from rejection I got when I expected protection from the ones who I could tell!
You never cared about what I said
You just wanted it dead and gone!
Well, here’s a surprise, thanks to all of your lies
It’s taken a toll on my health!

[Chorus]
Oh!
Can’t you see?
I’m alive, but my grip’s a bit weak
Oh, can’t I be
Just who I wanted to be?
I know you think I am who you think I am
I may be alive, but death tends to stalk me while I’m a man!

[bridge]
Did you know all of the things that you’ve done to me
Or did you think that you could just laugh it off?
Tell me I am who I’m not because you think I’m someone else
Distorting my vision of self!

[bridge]
I survived myself
Despite all the shit that you’ve done
Thanks for your hell
But this battle needs to be done
The pain I feel, real, ignored, brushed aside, antagonized, it’s agonizing to brave this shit alone
So I take a knife
Drive it into my arms
But it never goes away
But at least it’s gone for today!

(Guitar Solo: Seb)

Part II: Self-Loathing

Hatred flows through my bones
I can't look at me alone
For what I could have done to me on the ledge
Blind lead blind into the depths of hell that should not exist
No more will I bend to my will of suicidal ideation!

(Guitar Solo: Corey Tattsman)

This path will end!
I won’t ascend!
This path will end!
So no more I will descend!

Part III: Introspection Is Terrifying

Nightmares grow
Anxiety shows
Tight my chest
I cannot rest

I might as well be dead!
Should i have leapt?
Why am I here?

I can't feel
Cold as steel
Numb to the core
Lying on my floor

I might as well have died!
I can't always (hide)
Hiding in plain sight
I feel like a para(site)
Site of a demonic ritual to ex(tend)
Tend to my flowers...
Will you be there to save me?
Or will you just mourn me when I’m buried and gone?!

I can feel a panic attack
Coming on to me!
Can’t you pass through me?
And move on...
Why can’t I let go?
Of memories in treasuries I keep locked safe in my mind!

[interlude]
When I was a child I was content with my expression
As time went on, I found more avenues
They stopped me, and it hurt me
It wasn’t who I was, not who I am, and not who I ever will be!
Azalea... that’s me

Part IV: Acceptance

No more will I hide
I’ll go out in long skirts
And I'll be someone’s bride, one day
Masculinity is still a part of me
But there's so much more to see
There’s so much more to me

I’ll go where I was never meant to!
I was pushed away from!
Don’t care where I come from!
Dysphoria can go and fuck off!
I'm done with all the nights of mental fights and hiding who I really am!
I can love myself!
I can be who I want!
And the world, my parents, and those who know me don’t get a fucking say!
It’s ok to love myself!
It’s ok to cry!
But no more!
Never!
Not ever again!
Will I try to die!

[outro]
I am alive and I am well
I can smell the flowers
I wish them well
I am alive and I am me
I'm not him, I am she
It's who I'm meant to be

I am alive and I am well
I can smell the flowers
I wish them well
I am alive and I am me
I'm not him, I am she
It's who I'm meant to be!

Farewell to my dysphoria!