Searching for a Former Clarity

No the doctors didn't tell you that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And send you on your way.
But you knew all along.
Went on pretending nothing was wrong.
You said I will keep my focus,
Till the end.
And in the journal you kept,
By the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly an aspiration,
Of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
Of dressing up in woman's clothes.
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to.
Will everyone,
You ever meet or love,
Be just a relationship based,
On a false presumption.
Despite everyone,
You ever meet or ever love.
In the end,
Will you be all alone?
As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
Pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs.
Your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last.
The coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade.
As your hair thinned, as the weight fell off As your teeth blackened as the lesions spotted your skin,
As you fell to your knees in the center of the stage
As you often witnessed mortality in, exchange for the ticket price.
As the lights blended into the continuing noise.
As all hope was finally lost,
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.
Let all be forgiven.