Shame

You fly in circles around my head
While I sit on the edge of my bed
I cry, oh, what have I done again?
It's hard not to hate who I am
It's hard not to hate who I am

I chase the moment that when I had it I felt alive
But now that the thrill is gone, I feel dead inside
I feel like everyone know the secrets I wanna hide
And every time they ask me how I'm doing, I just say "I'm fine"
Too embarrassed to share it or maybe too much pride
I create my own prison, holding the keys inside
Punishing myself for all of these crimes
And I'm trying to convince God that I'm not a waste of His time
What's wrong with me? Am I defective?
I keep on making a mess, why can't I ever get it together?
Soon people gon' find out I'm not what they expected
They see who I really am then I end up rejected
I try to stand tall, but these knees are collapsing
'Stead of asking for help these apps'll distract me
So lonely, but so many people are friending me
While I post, I hope one day to be happy as I pretend to be

You fly in circles around my head
While I sit on the edge of my bed
I cry, oh, what have I done again?
It's hard not to hate who I am
It's hard not to hate who I am

Uh, I was thirteen the first time my momma caught me watching porn
She started screaming, she couldn't believe her last born
Was dabbling in something so destructive
I wish I could have said it was my last time, but nah, it wasn't
And the more I thought about it, the more I got bothered
These women I'm objectifying are somebody's daughters
I never really thought I had a problem till it followed me to college
And I felt debilitated by its bondage, uh
Became a Christian, heard about God's power
Couldn't see it in my life, but I could tell you all about it
Overloaded with knowledge, making so little progress
Became a public figure, but my struggles were in private
Only started tasting freedom when I'm being honest
And I learn that when I'm weak is when I'm seeing God the strongest
I know some people gon' be quick to throw stones
But I'll take all of those hits so you know that you not alone
And after 28 years of life, I decided
Everybody's crooked, some just do a better job at hiding it
Oh, how good does freedom taste?
I hope they give me the forgiveness they gon' need one day, I pray

Jesus, He washes away all of my sin
Washes away all my sin
Jesus washes away all of my sin
Jesus, He washes away all of my sin
Washes away all my sin
Jesus washes away all of my sin
Jesus, He washes away all of my sin
Washes away all my sin
Jesus washes away all of my sin
Jesus, He washes away all of my sin
Washes away all my sin
Jesus washes away all of my sin
Jesus, He washes away all of my sin
Washes away all my sin
Jesus washes away all of my sin
Jesus, He washes away all of my sin
Washes away all my sin
Jesus washes away all of my sin

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
He washes away all of my sin (oh)
Oh, oh, oh