Beside of Myself

Am I getting beside of myself?
Living with pride and denying the help
Am I sitting on top of the shelf?
Feeling emotions that I never felt
The life that I lived the cards I was dealt
Was killing myself objective was hell
Knees are scraped from that time that I fell
Am I getting beside of myself?
Am I getting beside of myself?
Living with pride and denying the help
Am I sitting on top of the shelf?
Feeling emotions that I never felt
The life that I lived the cards I was dealt
Was killing myself objective was hell
Knees are scraped from that time that I fell
Am I getting beside of myself?
Blocking the images, thoughts that were triggering
Thinking to myself when will I live again
God knocking on doors the devil is living in just to come save me from sin again
I can't save myself without You, I have no protection
Free will has made me a weapon choices I made lead me to be desperate
The lifestyle I lived it was reckless sat in the dark like I couldn't find any exit
I thought that they cared I mean they seem like they do in that costume
They're dressed in
One crack in the door and he crept in, attacking my parents as leverage
Notepad on my left and pen in my right that one thing in my life that's steady
I thought life was easy but I wasn't ready
Fighting off demons and habits embedded
For a while no one could believe me my actions revealed where I would be heading
In love with the street was labeled a menace my years of addiction it equaled to seven
A couple of cases becoming a felon
It was the strangest when dad went to heaven
There's times that I wish I could go up and get him
Had no time to heal but couldn't forget him
Toxic emotions I went and I fed them
This cannot be real I'm anxious and sweating
I'm not OCD so my life is messy
As long as I'm moving it means I'm not resting
The flesh I would please you want I did it
You could be alive but are you living?
Am I getting beside of myself?
Living with pride and denying the help
Am I sitting on top of the shelf?
Feeling emotions that I never felt
The life that I lived the cards I was dealt
Was killing myself objective was hell
Knees are scraped from that time that I fell
Am I getting beside of myself?
Am I getting beside of myself?
Living with pride and denying the help
Am I sitting on top of the shelf?
Feeling emotions that I never felt
The life that I lived the cards I was dealt
Was killing myself objective was hell
Knees are scraped from that time that I fell
Am I getting beside of myself?
There's things that I've done and i wish i could change them
I wish that i knew I'll regret them all later
I kept my head down I was lined up with satan
I hated the pain so I lived sedated
Been thanking my family for all of the prayers
Not for one second I thought I would make it
My father he waited until I was saved and then he departed man
God bless his patience (Bless him!)
Not everyone close will get what your saying
They won't understand all that your maintaining
Forget expectations you'll end up degraded by thinking
They got you but they never make it
Making plans that turns out to be dangerous then feeling defeated I'm left in anguish
The cycle is viscous the good in me draining I heard all the lectures I told them to save it
In order to fix it I have to change it, get rid of the extra and start off with basics
Exhausted from running so problems
I face 'em get right on my knees the power of prayer
I loved what the world had to offer but hated it
I made up my bed and I laid in it
I write with the hope that you take from it realizing you see where your placement is
I understand I'm not the only one i know there's someone that relates to this
Yeah
You know i can't be the only one
That sits back and think about the things that I've done
Am I getting beside of myself?
Living with pride and denying the help
Am I sitting on top of the shelf?
Feeling emotions that I never felt
The life that I lived the cards I was dealt
Was killing myself objective was hell
Knees are scraped from that time that I fell
Am I getting beside of myself?
Am I getting beside of myself?
Living with pride and denying the help
Am I sitting on top of the shelf?
Feeling emotions that I never felt
The life that I lived the cards I was dealt
Was killing myself objective was hell
Knees are scraped from that time that I fell
Am I getting beside of myself?