with you in spirit

Guilt trip left in a voicemail. Erase or ignore still? Or play it back all the time? I’m not pulling my weight yeah, as a brother. That gets more true with time. Please recognize that I’m terrified. I’m mortified. I’m up all night. Choking when it starts to get heavy, I can’t bear the utter weight of it. It crushes all. There’s safety in my sole neglect. Tear apart the family, wipe my hands of it. And I’m sorry for…. This is impossible. I’m not alright. Losing my head. My phone is dead again, stuck in my bed. Turn out the lights. I CAN BE WITH YOU IN SPIRIT. Motivation has been not so hot. I am worthless. It’s been way past overdue. And you’re locked in, I can feel it. I am nothing without you. I fall under without you.