Heartstrings

I fell asleep to the sound of rain drops the other night
The rhythm of inconsistency kept my mind stirring even past the point of my slumber state
There I could barely tell if I was awake
My thoughts continued. All the troubles of the day were dampened but still present
I thought of where I was, inside but vulnerable
Surrounded by people yet still so alone
Is it the companionship I miss, the routine of falling in and falling out
It goes, back and forth
Back and forth
Eventually I'll time things perfectly
Eventually I'll get it right
How many times will it take for me to get there
I don't know
Yeah, lessons and lessons this past year repetition
I'm tryna make more bonds, that are more consistent
I'm tryna find real friends, just somebody to listen
And a version of this song that fits my vision
Not 2020, like my release date
Oh three, Oh two, gone fishing take the bait
Red and white but it never felt safe it's
Blood in the water watch me in my wake
I'm making my death bed this will happen again
I saw it once before, and every minute I spend
Thinking that I have choices, I can make it all right
Will end up showing it ain't gold just because that it's bright
Trust your gut, what's inside your heart knows what it likes
And your brain gets in the way, it's in your head know what I say
Know what I say is true, I would never lie to you
But I still fall victim to the things you do
Yeah she keep tugging on my heartstrings
If they break I wouldn't care
If they break I wouldn't care
It was worth it girl I swear
She keep tugging on my heartstrings
If they break I wouldn't care
If they break I wouldn't care
It was worth it girl I swear, uh
Drag me around, I'm your puppet
This attention girl, I love it
A little longer, a little more time
I saw the sign but I closed my eyes yeah
Play me like a flute, now I don't know what to do
I hear rumors all around, I can never tell what's true
I can't, do this no more, you know, love is war
I might, win the battle, but I don't know what's next in store, yeah
Too many times I trusted you
You cut me off straight out the blue
I saw red now I know it's real
Next time now I'll know the deal
Too many times, yeah too many times
Every girl gets a song, now I'm running out of rhymes
Got me running out of reasons, got me running out of breath
I bet heartbreak will be my cause of death
She keep, ugh
My heart strings, my heart strings, oh
Like, we both love each other but we both want something different
We don't explicitly say that we want those things but like they're there
How many more times?
She keep tugging on my heartstrings
If they break I wouldn't care
If they break I wouldn't care
It was worth it girl I swear, uh
I guess it doesn't make sense though because
Every single time that happens, every relationship is like that
There is always going to be something that you want from the other person that isn't there
And I guess there's no point, of trying to run from it
Because you're always just going to go right back