VHS

Help me get a better understanding of
Why I deserve the same amount of love
As everyone who is around me
I feel like I don't match up to them
I need something to make me feel so special
I wanna go out and not feel like a piece of shit
How can you tell if what you said was fine
Or if everybody's looking at you weird now

When I was a kid it didn't make no sense
Why people didn't wanna be my friend
But looking back now that I'm older
I think I completely understand
I want it to still matter that it's summer
I don't care if what I'm saying sounds like total shit
It hurts when you internalize the fact that
You aren't ever gonna feel okay again

I broke my very favorite VHS tape
When I was just about six years old
I did it on purpose 'cause I didn't like
That one scene even though I liked the rest

I knew what I did it couldn't be undone
I felt like the dumbest person in the world
But I couldn't do anything to make it better
I went crying to my dad and told him what I did
He wasn't proud of me
He wasn't proud of me
He wasn't proud of me

And if you just want it to be alright, God damn it
Then it's never gonna be alright
But if you think you need a little advice
Don't worry, you ain't supposed to feel alright
And I don't wanna be alone, God damn it
I don't wanna be alone, God damn it
I don't never wanna be alone, God damn I swear
And I know it's better left unsaid, but God damn it
I know it's better left unsaid, but God damn it
I know it's better left unsaid, but
I can't just unsay it now

Spent the whole summer in the rain
And when I came out I felt like a part of me had changed
But the more I get older and awake
Those people that changed me, they all just seem to go away

'Cause when you care more about having friends
Then you do about being honest with them, no
All it's gonna do is not make any sense, no
All it's gonna do is not make any sense
'Cause I felt like Jesus Christ had come to get me
He was telling me what I done wrong
But I didn't wanna hear it
No, God damn it
I just really wanted to go home
And I thought that it was better to keep on saying nothing
Than risk talking and saying something wrong
When she cried I didn't hold her
I didn't even touch her
'Cause I thought that she would take it wrong
And her mama called the police
Or maybe she didn't
But she threatened me with it on the phone
'Cause I kept her daughter out way later than her curfew
And she really didn't like that at all
And she said her mama told her she ain't supposed to see me
Said that we couldn't hang out anymore
And she really kept her promise
I still don't wanna see her
She don't even live here anymore
And I'm sorry for the years that I spent doing nothing
I was crying on my bedroom floor
But I don't wanna do it
No, God damn it
I don't wanna do it anymore

I saw your message on the window pane
I felt your presence underneath me
I know you are in a better place now
I wrote a letter and I put it in the ground

I don't think you knew how much that you meant to me
But I won't ever make that same mistake again
What could I do? I was only six years old
No one ever really talked to me about death

I knew you weren't getting any better, but
I thought that we would've had a little more time
I hope your time with me was worth it
I hope you don't have to wear the eye patch

I lost the video game that you gave me
It had your name written on the title screen
I wish I had it in my bedroom
I wish I could talk to you again