It Grows

It doesn't matter how happy I get
The damage has been done, it'll never leave my head
I'll take all this bottled up hate and press on it with all my weight
But no matter how flat it gets, I will never be the same
I still feel the pain from all the memories
I need a new release, am I insane?
I've gotten how high I can go, I've walked every golden road
And now there's one thing I know
It just grows

In time I've found it doesn't go away
The things you feel forever will remain
You try all you know that can numb the pain
And then you feel the scars inside your brain
I know that I have much more left to face
And now I see that I must use the rage
I'll take my life and break free from the cage
But I'll always be different from the change

I can still hear you like a ring in my ear
But you're so much worse because you bring back fear
Guilt was your weapon of choice and you made so much noise
Making me feel like all I did was wrong for so long
You accused me
Of the one thing that you hated in me
But it wasn't true
And the only one who betrayed us was you
And then you lied
And made me pick your side
So you could feel better about yourself
While I sat there to rot without help

I sat there to rot all by myself without any help
All because of a lie
You're such a hypocrite
All your paranoia and fear all thrown onto me
So you can feel better
You can't feel better
It just gets worse
Two different pains
But yours is deserved
Everything you did to me damaged my soul
I hope you're happy 'cause your heart is cold