Facebook Poem with Me in It

"Next up is Jesse...
...Or, as he likes to call himself...
...Or as we like to call him...
Cannonball!"

"My name is Jesse Statman
And this poem is called
Facebook Poem With Me In It."

I wish I weren't the subject of a poem
But I am the subject of several poems
Written on your cell phone
And posted on Facebook

You wrote to me;
You said I was really cool
I introduced you to my friends, digitally;
You told me you were lonely

You told me I should be your boyfriend;
I said yes!
We were really happy
We almost threw a party
But we ran out of virtual balloons

I introduced you to my best friend, digitally
And you, digitally, told me
That you didn't want to talk to my best friend
But you wanted to talk to me
But you didn't want to call me
And you didn't want to hear my voice
And the only picture I can find of you is of your feet!

I introduced you to a poet named Hane, digitally
And you, digitally, asked her weird questions that freaked her out!

You started gossip about me
In the underbelly
Of the New York City Transit System
And how we were BF and GF
And sitting in a tree, T-X-T-I-N-G
But I broke your heart;
And you were just being really thoughtful
And insightful
About all areas of life

And you made my friend, who is really unusual
Really scared of you
And we hid from you
In the boy's bathroom at our highschool
And sometimes it felt gross to be hiding from you
In the boy's bathroom at our highschool
But sometimes it felt good, knowing that wherever you were
You definitely weren't
In the boy's bathroom at our highschool
Because that would be tantamount to death

And later on
You called me
And asked me why we weren't friends on Facebook
But I wasn't on Facebook
And never will be on Facebook
Ever again in my entire life
Thanks to people like you

And how dare you put poems about me on Facebook?
Were they even good?
Were they even poems?
Were they even real?
Are you even real?
Am I even real?

Your Facebook profile picture was of the lead singer from Green Day;
Is he real?

I don't think anything is real!
I used to think even people I had never met were real!

I feel disillusioned
Like the new
As it becomes old