Suffocating

I don't know how I could fall so low
People ask who I am
And I say I don't know
The man with a plan
Got dealt a shitty hand
And knocked down to the ground so much
I'm afraid to stand
Cuz every time I do
I just fall back
Cuz when things go good
Others go bad
I know life is about balance
But I hate this act
No surprise that negative
Is where my mind state at
Its hard for me to focus
My mind just wanders
I know this
Aint ADHD
I just over think
Every thing that happens to me
There's people that could really be riding for me
But I'm jaded
So I cant help but think they really have it out for me
So many thoughts in my head I just cant think
And the thought of losing me costs me sleep
Cuz if I cant be myself what reason do I got to breathe
Maybe this is what I need
Voice my thoughts out loud
To be heard by me
A talk with myself
Who knows me better than me?
I'm curious
Cuz I'm my own mystery
Don't know if I'm drowning from the tears I've shed
Or if I'm suffocating from her taking my breath
The pain inside only proves that I'm alive
I overcame it before
I know I'll survive
A battle rages
Hate, fear, and sadness
I've gone thru the stages
Angry and anxious
I be in my head so much
Life just pass me by
I watch as things happen
Just asking why
What a way to live
I remember how I used to be
What do I got to give?
I don't feel like a use to me
I really view this shit as therapy
I aint kidding when I say Rap saved me
So I vent on the beat
Put out what I think
Half the shit gets scrapped
So you don't hear it from me
I just need an outlet
Opportunity
To talk shit and scream
Without causing a scene
You know
Let the demons out
Clear thoughts out
Say how much I hate myself
Figure my flaws out
I know people who would help
But rather do this alone
That's the problem
We got those who help but don't call 'em
Maybe this is what I need
Voice my thoughts out loud
To be heard by me
A talk with myself
Who knows me better than me?
I'm curious
Cuz I'm my own mystery
Don't know if I'm drowning from the tears I've shed
Or if I'm suffocating from her taking my breath
The pain inside only proves that I'm alive
I overcame it before
I know I'll survive
Got friends battling depression
Others fighting suicide
Others with anxiety
Make them sit and just cry
I hate myself each time
I cant be at their side
I know what its like to be alone
In a world so cold
Someone's arms who understands
Fells like home
Long as I'm alive
You aint alone
You need anything
Hit my phone
You know where I live come over
Or I'll go to you
Till the feels roll over
I got two shoulders
To help shift the weight over
Its hard to hold the world solo
Just please hold on
It gets better over time
Sometimes
We really cant trust our own mind
Gotta find the who or what
That makes us feel this way
And do everything we can
To keep those triggers away
Toxic relationship
Stress
depression
Or a combination
We can overcome it
By changing our situation
Maybe this is what we need
Voice our thoughts out loud
To be at peace
A talk with ourselves
Who knows us better than us?
I'm curious
Cuz we're our own mystery
Don't know if we're drowning from the tears we've shed
Or if we're suffocating from things taking our breath
The pain inside only proves that we're alive
We overcame it before
I know we'll survive