A Shimmering View

I make sincere attempts to engage and interact with the world
But most days feel like I'm watching it all through a shimmer, a reflection
The way the surface of water looks from below
When you're gazing up towards the light
I am observing the world through that distorted view
Seeing shapes and shadows
I'm unable to trust my perception
But I'm still reacting as if it is objectively true
So I continue, submerged, flowing downstream
Sometimes close to the surface
Sometimеs further below
Deep down
Sometimеs barely capable of making sense of the things that I see
Regardless of my depth I still find myself in some degree second guessing everything
I still find myself struggling
I find myself suffocating
I reach for the shimmering surface, but I never really breach it
I can never interact with others or with reality without feeling disconnected, isolated
I can never interact with clarity, without struggling to understand
I spend every day living below the shimmer