Charisma #50

I was biking through the, uh, yeah

Canton snowstorms, I was biking through the pain
Numb fingers baking pizza, busy grinding for some change
Was finna see my shorty with the money that I gained
Put a girl beyond my art before I couldn't entertain
I'm ashamed, usually a nigga is more tame
But something that's about her helped a nigga ease his brain
Just to maintain man, but now I'm not the same man
Chose you, should've picked I like hangman
Insecure now the task getting tall for me
Half my friends can't name five songs of me
Maybe it's my fault
Assuming you would just assist is just what I thought
I gotta get these rhymes off
It sucks when everybody want attention
So worried bout themselves, they don't care that I seek ascension
It bothers you just to mention
You help me to be great, but then follow it with discretion
And honestly it's upsetting, I'm drained
Tryna balance both life's got me tumbling
One arm in and arm out got me crumbling
Even from mi casa, a nigga heard the rumblings (Eren)
Chris was fumbling, now tell me what's become of him he's lost
And maybe sanity was just the cost
Cause now that I don't give a fuck, I truly want it all with all I got
Started with a little, now a nigga want a lot
Still Chrissy from the block, still aiming for the top
Begging for attention I was crying through the pen
Was tryna fill the void when all I needed was a friend
Looking towards the present, I was tryna see the end
And I ain't ever tryna fuck a moment up again
But it's hard, a nigga ain't been sleeping anymore
Christmas boutta come around, can't settle for a card
So if you missing shit from Walmart, then I probably was involved
And still ain't pay the phone bill, sorry missed your call
Student loans on my ass
Stupid hoes in my past
What they both got in common is they both still attached to my name
They keeping tabs on me as I age
And taking more and more from a nigga just the same

It's a shame mom I tried, but I barely could survive
I've been anxious for some time, I can't do this 9 to 5
So I'm sorry that I smoke, but not sorry that I'm tired
Cause that life ain't worth living, I just wanna feel alive
I'm surrounded by people that's feeling stagnant or losing passion
Ashes to these attachments, I outlast them
I've been on the grind tryna get established
Only my career like I'm working on my badges
Ain't no change till you switch up or you probably can't adjust
I remember no drip, same collar on for months
Damian he used to slide me couple dollars for the cuts
I used to flip that, turned Dame's dollar into bucks
I ain't sweet, I'd rather be a monster than be honey
For the money must've been dead for you to take it from me
Insane like Dushane getting everything that's for me
Gon' be lonely at the Top Boy, grinding like I'm Sully
I just wanna take off, spaceship
So I switched to teaching kids, on some Tyler James shit
Watching Abbot Elementary when I couldn't face shit
Ain't much else to do when everybody hates Chris
When it gets flushed out, I can't stand to take shit
Cause now I'm pissed off, so loneliness can only make sense
But if I'm lonely for too long, I'ma stay the same Chris
I've been tryna change shit, can't be on the same shit
Cause some niggas still addicted, some niggas got sober
Some niggas grew up while some niggas got older
I look up to the Lord, I'm reminded what he showed us
Don't need a lighter burden, I just pray for broader shoulders