Counting Back From 13

What the fuck
Do you want me to do
I'm in love
Still in love with you
I take drugs
Just to make it through
Nights I'm alone
Without you by my side
I try to be fine but I'm not
Seeing the angles that got you so tangled my god
Now you're screaming in my face and you're slamming the door
Just to come back in to argue some more
And collect everything except for me

So now I'm
Counting back from 13
Trying to stay calm and breathe
I'm counting back from 13
Trying to stay calm and breathe

Have I become a caricature of what I once was?
A buffoon trying to prove he can still love
But not sure that is true
I've been sewn shut
Just wandering
Without you by my side
I try to be fine but I'm not
And most of the time I feel like
This heart just might stop
You know that I've told you every word before

And I'm getting
Too old for waking up alone
Believe me
Or finally leave me
Let me be

So now I'm
Counting back from 13
Trying to stay calm and breathe
I'm counting back from 13
Trying to stay calm and breathe"