Remembrance

When I was a kid, through the death of my brother, and the effects of that being the divorce of my parents and my mom leaving. I dealt with a lot of unforgiveness and pain and rage and abandonment issues but through the years God definitely brought me through that, broke those chains off my life. I remember when I was a lot younger about 8 years old just starting to get into playing the piano and music and my grandmother died of breast cancer who was just like the source of my love for music and it just broke my heart and for years and years after that seeing my father deal with depression and I just felt like that was what we were supposed to do. I dealt with depression for a really long time and, you know, being homeschooled I never really had any friends to talk with about it and I just thought I was supposed to be sad about it and didn’t know how long. Just over time, I don’t even know exactly when, but just when I definitely noticed there was a time of my life when I was just sad all the time and God brought me out of that. Now it’s a completely different part of my life thanks to how God can do things

When I was 7 years old my mom died of cancer. When I was 14 one of my best friends committed suicide and I was just surrounded by death my entire life and dealt with a lot of the anger that came with that and got into a lot of fights. Even to the point where I got married I would take out a lot of my anger and issues I didn’t deal with out on my wife. Through the grace of God He has relieved me and lifted everything off my shoulders and I can honestly tell you that it is only by the grace of God that today I am a happy person and a lot for believing in the grace that Christ offers

My life before Christ, it was one that was full of just mass amounts of anger and hatred. Really to find why I had that I have to look back at how my mom’s life was. Dealing with constant pain every single day. I never really understood why. Through my hatred I found myself hanging out with a crowd that was affiliated with a white supremacy organization and to me I used that white supremacy to channel my hatred and anger just to release it. If it wasn’t for God really coming in when He did to save me, I would be probably in a place that a lot of those people are now. One of them is in jail, one of them has been shot, has a metal plate in his head. Things just went haywire and there’s not a day of my life that I don’t give thanks so much for God stepping in when He did

[Verse]
Every pain and every hurt
All your anger
All your fears
Every trial and tribulation
He can wipe away your tears
He can carry you through
When it feels like hell
He will carry you through
Even if it feels like hell

I can honestly say if it wasn’t for my father coming back to the Lord and raising me to believe in God’s grace and for the three men standing in this room next to me, that I would not be here today. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Whatever you are feeling, however deeply you are hurt, you are not alone