Thank You, Chef (Kurt’s Intro)
[Intro: Kurt]
Where do you want me to stand?
Right here?
Okay fine - here we go
Well, hello there from apartment #006
I've had the displeasure of living with
Eric Anthony Armitage for the past
Two years in Midtown Raleigh
Let me tell you this
The only thing worse than having to hear
The bass from his speakers while he's mixing
Is hearing all the fuck-ups from his recordings
Over and over and over
Until he got it just right
Living with an autistic perfectionist
Is a pеrfectly good way to ruin your life!
He's not grеat at cooking anything
Other than quesadillas
The way he slaps his knees and stands up
And says, "Well, I guess I'll just eat this shit."
Fucking ridiculous
Plus, he's been a little bitch
For the majority of these two years
I've had to be there when he's crying
About some girls on Glenwood that ghosted him
And when he wasn't feeling great about
His Bumble profile
You know, ultimately, I feel like I helped him
Get his current girlfriend in the first place
Dude owes me so much
I got him a job, and a promotion
I covered for him when everyone at work hated him
All that shit!
And what did I get in return?
Nothing!
A 10% increase in rent for the first year
Eric's the type of guy that goes out
And drinks until he's blackout
Every. Single. Time
I'm surprised he didn't cockblock me
Whenever he had the chance
He was actually surprisingly good at
Not doing that
Pretty good wingman, honestly
But then he'd wake up the next morning
And perform shitty at work
I know this because I was also his manager
And I had to watch his sulk around
The restaurant all shift
When we first moved in
Neither of us knew what we were doing
But, we do now
Apartment 006 - that was some bullshit
But it was also some good shit
In conclusion, I would like to
Take credit for this album
Without me, it wouldn't exist
I'm the reason Eric Armitage
Landed on his feet in Raleigh, you hear me?
Thank you
Thank you, chef
This is Kurt
Welcome to the 00Sixtape
[Outro Sample: Eric Armitage]
Add it to the fuckin' storybooks