monologue

All my life
I feel the way an actor feel
Struggle through my lines
Never fully certain it's real
Spend most of my time
Trynna figure out the deal
In terms of worlds
I can tell you that's far from ideal

Ask myself the question like the line lifted from Hamlet
Worry I won't deliver like I'm goods damaged in transit
Need a queen that'll fully be knowing the gambit
Thought I found the one but I think she don't wanna chance it

Always wonder what it is I do to break relations
When it's all said and done approach with trepidation
When I close my eyes at night feel more like meditation
Hope one day I can make choice without no hesitation

Lonely views from a balcony floor twenty four
Spend some time on memories I can barely afford
Wonder about what's possible and best left unexplored
Losing at the game of life yet no one keepin score

When it all ends we leavin this life empty handed
It don't matter in the end to what degree we planned it
We all equal in the end six feet down each our caskets
We can sleep every night knowing that it's our practice

Maybe that isn't the worst, feel misunderstood
Wonder if I'll be buried by where my dreams once stood
So I think way back to a memory of childhood
Why am I given the choice of success or salud

Come to think when given choice some days it feeling moot
I pretend that choosing one is something more minute
Crave the feeling that one day I will feel resolute
Then perhaps I can sensate the peace I wish I could

Open mind
Open heart
Open body

Late nights
With some
Drinks of Bacardi

Real shit
Got some baggage
It's shoddy

Real shit
Hope that I'll
Be somebody

No I can't understand it
Oh no I cannot stand it

I've done a lot of thinkin'
I got a lot to ponder
what am I really missin'
And that shit makes me wonder

Some days I lack commitment
And have no dedication
And I won't go the distance
I'm runnin' out of patience

I don't want no more
I don't know what am I fighting for