Minted

I'm marcus licinius crassus
No rich man could ever surpass us
Wanted people to say I was brave
But I lost my first fight and hid in a cave
Living there could be a pauper's nightmare,
But if you're rich like me then you don't care
I called my slave to the cave to ask it
To cook a feast and lower in a basket

Those romans think they're minted
But they aint rich like me
You can't call yourself loaded
Till you can by an army
Ran rome with pompey and caesar
They're more famous than me
But I'm the worlds richest geezer
There's no-one richer than me
I'm minted

I back general sulla
Everyday my wallet got fuller
Took the land off enemies to flog it
Used the cash to fill my pocket
If I heard of a house on fire
I'd rush over and be a quick cash buyer
My fireman would then douse the flames, boom
Another big house to my name

Those romans think they're minted
But they aint rich like me
You can't call yourself loaded
Till you can by an army
Ran rome with pompey and caesar
They're more famous than me
But I'm the worlds richest geezer
There's no-one richer than me
I'm minted

I bought an army for fighting spartacus
At the start my men lost heart-acus
I killed on in ten in a killing spree
So they were more scared of me than the enemy
Smashed the slaves, it got real gory
But then pompey stole my glory
To show it was me that crushed the horde
Nailed up the slaves like on a billboard
They're splinted

Not enough to be a politician
Wanted triumph, took my army on a mission
Got owned by the parthian persians
They killed me, but you'll hear two versions
The famous one's quite hard to follow
They gave me boiling gold to swallow
But the true way they made me pay
They used my head as a prop in a play
Embarrasing

Those romans think they're minted
But they aint rich like me
You can't call yourself loaded
Till you can by an army
Ran rome with pompey and caesar
They're more famous than me
But I'm the worlds richest geezer
There's no-one richer than me