A Reflection

Waiting for retirement is like a destination without a journey
And it's impossible to enjoy what wasn't worked for at least me
But what do I know?
I haven't been alive very long and I missed the point all along not to accomplish but to live, to love and to enjoy
'Cause we cannot function without the distraction of survival
So it becomes self-centered and goal-oriented regimented lies become bias, regenerated lessons to not realize sometimes boredom is a privilege
It means you'll put your guard down but it makes it easy to lose yourself
If it's that easy to lose who you are, you might not be anyone at all
So allow yourself to feel loved
Hope, enjoy, exist, fail an attempt because you you're worth that, I promise
And wallow in what is not will not change what is
I don't need depression but I can live with it
But let me have my sadness, it's part of a bigger picture
Let me have my joy, my confusion, my compassion 'cause I'd rather feel complete than feel accomplished, 'cause I wanna feel like I'm living in the moment
So don't let the record of what you do be more important than what you do
Disconnect from the false narrative, the digital journeys filled with blind spots and ask yourself "what do you desire?"
If it's control maybe you miss the point so let it be life
As much as possible let yourself be loved
And then you can learn how to love others

I wanna open up about my failures but I'm afraid of leaving any blood in the water and love my leak back to removing myself from a gracious circle of friends
I wanna call my friends more often but I don't wanna feel like I'm a bother
And I wanna stop changing the course of my heart every time it feels like I've hit a dead end
I reconnected with my faith in God when my convictions cut too close to the bone
And I've learnt to let the narrative play out if you want to avoid the blue bag
And don't believe in time just because it helps you not to feel so alone
I felt the words that were illogical but popular
Moments that were fabricated but offered more
And I left a lot of phone calls empty
'Cause I couldn't pick up that phone
I want my life to be the worship that I thought it was before I began
I wanna live the gospel that I believe it but not one that was written by my own hands
I want the narrative of truth to be more important than the narrative of success, but I've fallen so far, I don't know if I can find myself again