Awkward Tinder Date

Hi, I'm Jesse, nice to meet you I'm jake

I like that name, I mean it's common but OK

I've never really done this before
I used to be in a relationship that
I was in since 2004

Like damn that's a long ass time
You pretty cute too a girl like you
Must have a long ass line

Haha yeah, something like that
He was really abusive I even used to be fat

Oh, well, tell me what happened

Well he used to get drunk and
Get really angry then slap me

Like oh, well damn
What have I got myself into

I would end it right now, but
This bitch is really fine
I just wanna see what that mouth do

Even if you were fat I'd
Probably never do that, ah, fuck smooth

Ok like, are you over him or not
Cause I been through some shit too
But I don't listen to voice mails
And shit that's kinda weird

It seems like you might need
Some therapy to go through hUH

How are you gonna, make a judgment like that
I mean I'm not judgin just seems
Like you never had a dad

No trust me, I don't
Have those daddy issues
And what a bold statement you don't
Even know what I've been through

Bitch you got a tattoo of
The dude that beat you
But while we pulling up you want
The steak or the seafood

How dare you, he really was a good guy
And really I'm not even hungry, wait
Maybe cheese fries

Look, I'm just lookin out for
You, you're a sweet girl
I just want the best for you

How you know what's best for me?
You don't even know me
I could just be crazy lying through my teeth

Wait, why would you lie
I'm just sayin I'm just tired of getting
Fucked over by all these ridiculous guys

But you just said you were in
A relationship why would you
Tell me that just to tell
Me you were fakin shit

Like, I don't know
I haven't taken my medication and
I'm on my period
I hope that you don't think I'm crazy

I mean I don't think you're crazy I
Just think that you're playin you're
Really fuckin with my mind I just
Don't get what you're sayin

You're like every other guy
What bitch I'm just asking why you lied

Especially on the first date
We don't even know each other what
Is this the first grade
Reading through your bio this was
Sketchy in the first place

Take me to my car, I'm fuckin sick of you
You're acting like a child and I
Just want be through with you

That's fine with me
You actin like bitch and I don't ever
Wanna end up as your property

Oh my god, I think my water broke
Nah I ain't falling for Jake
This isn't no joke

Holy shit, there's water on the ground
I think ima be sick
Get this bitch in a gown

Hold on now
We doin like 80 ima get you to the
Hospital as quick we can make it

Please don't have this fuckin baby in
My car I just got it
I don't wanna have to hold the
Baby cause I might drop it