If I Cared

There’s this haze in my blood
Will it clear as I grow up?
I feel red, I see grey but it screams just as it fades
There’s no words, even noise, just hormonal pulsing shocks
Break my voice
Keep me small
I’m a child that got too tall

Everything at once feels different
All the shudders, all the shades of rage and dread
And I don’t care when I should
But I don’t care if I should

Can the age reach my veins so the truth can leave my face
There’s this voice in my mouth
"Just shut up and sit back down"
No I won’t
It’s enough
To feel evеrything at once
I can’t tell if it hurts or my prides against thе wall

I’ll stop dancing with my ego
I want shivers, all the shades of rage and dread
But I don’t care and I should
When I don’t care but I could

How can I feel better?
If I can’t stomach the taste of sourness
How can I feel better?
If I can’t stomach every single hue of red

So I do care and I should
When I don’t care, I know I could
So I do care and I should
If I don’t care, of course I do

And always will and always will