A Dad Has Rights

Since the beginning of time
Us dads have hidden our emotions
Concealed what's up in our mind
Cause we're thinking about important private stuff like
"Where should I hang this bike rack?"
But we've noticed a sudden change
The world's just not the same as the way it was
We're confused but we're taking a stand
Cause they're trying to take our lives away

But a dad has rights
To own a very practical fleecie
And seven different shades of the same cord
It was just much simpler when the decision’s
Made for you in the morning, isn’t it Marty?
To own a little foldable gumping chair
And verbally commend its ergonomic design
To literally anyone who will listen
It’s just a very solid piece of kit for the price point

Times are changing, so we have to too
So we dads are rebranding as woke as
We’ve absorbed all the points of doubt
But realised white dads cannot be our only focus

Uncles also have rights
To a little plastic pouch for the airport
Containing print-outs of a flight itinerary
Printed straight out from the website
Covered in HTML code, and barely legible
To spend the bare minimum of effort
On remembering the names of our children’s friends
Despite having known them for twelve years
It’s great to see you, Colin or Simon

My, look how you’ve grown. How’s the job going in sales and/or marketing?

Things were better in the olden days
Why did everything have to change?
Take me back to college
Just one last look at that golden haze
Where the little children were still beaten
When typhoid fever filled the streets
And medicine was a cup of gin full of opiates
God I miss those days

So I invoke my rights
To be difficult to buy stuff for Christmas
I end up receiving three of the exact same gift
Joke’s on them, ‘cause I love ancient hist’ry;
I will read all three and compare the editions