Who Stole My Car?

Now a joke is a joke and funny games are chill
But this isn't funny y'all this is straight up ill
Now there's a limit to humor and this is goin too far
I ain't laughin no more y'all now who stole my car

Now I don't know if you ever had a car stolen before
But it's a real crazy feeling when you walk out the door
And you don't need a map or any kinda chart
To know you're standin in the spot your car used to be parked
Now you know you parked your car there but yet you keep lookin
Cause your mind didn't accept yet that somebody took it
So you're scratching your head and tryin to get things clear
And it's always some idiot saying (you're sure you parked here)
To call the police would be the move that is smart
But instead you keep lookin where you know you didn't park
Searchin for reasons like maybe tickets you owed
Something to justify that - maybe it got towed
But not stolen n-never forget it
But then you ask yourself well where the hell is it
If there was a prize you'd win dummy of the year
Cause you're lookin somewhere else when you know you parked it here
So through never-neverland you find yourself strollin
Then when you finally accept that it's stolen
You call the police and they come and say
(That's the 437th car stolen today)
As if that's somethin that he really needed to mention
Then they start askin you real dumb questions
Like (well when's the last time that you saw it)
You idiot, right before they stole it
Now you're mad this cop is talkin to you
And somebody in your car headed to kalamazoo
Officer Fool or whoever you are
Would you please get off your butt and find who stole my car?

I remember my first car, never forget it
A candy apple red I ROC, windows deep tinted
Talk about fast like a rocket to drive
Went from zero to 60 in like 5.5
Imagine red rims but that wasn't enough
It had a car phone for when I wanted to reach out and touch
An alpine stereo the straight up rock
With 12" woofers you could hear for blocks
The first day I got it I was frontin real hard
I could hear people sayin (damn, look at that car)
I was hyped and I wanted my friends to check it out
So I went to the spot where they're usually hangin out
Just my luck nobody's standin outside
And I didn't really feel like parkin my ride
So I honked my horn and nobody was comin
I thougth what the heck, I went inside and left it runnin
I was inside for 20 seconds that's all
I found my friends, I said, "You gotta check this out, y'all"
But when we came back out the car wasn't there
(Man you ain't buy nothin) I did, I swear!
My friends went inside, I was mad they didn't believe me
Now i'm standin outside the spot my car used to be
It's hard to figure out what to do all alone
But then I got it: call the car phone

(Fresh Prince's car?)
Yo thief, bring my car back now
Before I bust your (hold up wait a minute pal)
(Seems like you forgot who's got the keys)
I thought: he's right, "Well, bring it back, please"
Hello Mr. Thief, don't hang up
Aw then luckily Jeff pulled up
I told him what had happened someone stole my car
I said, "Come on Jeff, let's get him, he can't be far"
We rode around for about 20 minutes
And we were just about to say forget it
When I spotted him, I said, "Jeff, go get it!"
We pulled up behind him and man dude jetted
He was drivin all wild and fast
Like he was gettin points for the stuff that he crashed
I called him on the car phone again and I said
Of course you realize when I catch you you're dead
All through Philly was a high speed chase and
Dude was playin around like he thought we was racin
100 miles an hour and he lost control
And slammed my car into a telephone pole
I ran to the car said man you're okay
He said yeah so I punched him in the face
The cops came up as if it was my fault
They saw me punch dude and charged me with assault
If his neck was closer I probably woulda grabbed it
He told the cops that I said he could have it
I calmed down and they got things straight
I saw half my car at 7th street the other half at 8th
I wanted to just jump in the ocean
My car looked like it was a Lego explosion
Why does life have to be so hard?
Don't laugh, next time it could be your car