You Can Be As Loud As the Hell You Want (When You're Makin' Love)

BAD IDEA BEAR number one
Take her home!

BAD IDEA BEAR number two
She's wasted!

BAD IDEA BEARS
Yaaaayyy!

KATE MONSTER
My God, Princeton! Right there! Right there!
That's the spot -- that's the spot! -- okay,
A little lower -- okay, now to the left --
No, my left -- ohhhhhhhh!

PRINCETON
Oh, my God, Kate, no one's ever touched me
Like this before -- you can't put your finger there --
Ooh, put your finger there!

BOTH
Oh yeah!

(they dive under the covers. Lights up on Gary Coleman who's listening in)
(sung)
GARY COLEMAN
You can be as loud as
The hell you want
When you're making love.
You can be as loud as
The hell you want
When you're making love.
You can be as loud as
The hell you want
When you're making love.

GARY AND BEARS
You can be as loud as
The hell you want...

KATE MONSTER
(Screaming in pleasure)
Aaaaaahhh!

PRINCETON
Yaaaaaaahhh!

(a phone rings, Gary picks it up)
(spoken)

Gary Coleman.
You hear what? -- Hell no, I won't tell them to quiet down!

(Princeton and Kate pop up from under the covers)
KATE MONSTER
Are we being too loud?

PRINCETON
Yeah, are we bothering someone?

GARY COLEMAN
Oh, no, not at all, kids.
You keep doing what you're doing.

BAD IDEA BEARS
Yeah! Louder!

(sung)
GARY COLEMAN
You're not allowed to
Be loud at the library,
At the art museum or
At a play

But when you and
Your partner are doin' the nasty
Don't behave like you're
At the ballet!
'Cause you can be as loud
As the hell you want
When you're making love.
You can be as loud
As the hell you want
When you're making love.

Don't let the neighbors
Stop you from havin' fun,
They'll have peace and
Quiet when you're
Good and done.

ALL
Be as loud as
The hell you want
When you're making love!
(heavy breathing)
Loud as the hell you want...

KATE MONSTER
Faster, Princeton!

CHRISTMAS EVE
Brian, slow down! This not a race!

ALL
Loud as the hell you want...

PRINCETON
Oh, YEAH!

BRIAN
Who's your daddy?

CHRISTMAS EVE
What?? Brian!!

ALL
Loud as the hell you want...
Loud as the hell you want...

GARY COLEMAN
Smack it and lick it and rub
It and suck it!

ALL
Loud as the hell you want...

CHRISTMAS EVE
Yes! Work your mama!

ALL
Loud as the hell you --

KATE MONSTER
Oh yeah, that's it!

BRIAN
Ooh, babe!

TREKKIE MONSTER
(enjoying himself) Uuuuuhh!

ALL
Loud as the hell you... (x7)
Want!