Solid 9

Oh I wish I was as pretty
As that porn star y'all are in love with
But I will never wear a tube top, pumps
And super skinny matchstick jeans
Cuz I was born with calves bigger than your average
Discus thrower's forearms
So for now I'll just hang back
And wait and see

And hope that one day you'll be scarred
By acid or by love
If there's a god above, let him fix the score
Cuz right now you're a solid 9
And I'm a 4
But I couldn't love you more

If only life was like a sitcom
If only I could play the husband
Then I could just be fat and funny
And you'd be hot and shut your mouth
But we all know our roles it's impossible
It never will be otherwise
Men fall in love first through their eyes
And second through their eyes

So I hope one day you'll go blind
From a macular disease
Because there's no one else but me
Who loves you more
Now open up or I'll kick down your door
Because I couldn't love you more