You'll Only End Up Joining Them

Tonight I'm posed and popping like a peacock
I'm pressing flesh, I'm smiling big, my spinning head sings "Stop, just stop"
Cause what used to calm me down
Just rips my life to ribbons now
So I keep smiling, I find my window and quick cut out

These days my hangman's hunger makes my gut kick
My sleeping mind, could map it blind
A flask, a key, a bag, a fifth
I try to will myself away
While shouting habits plead their case
So when the sun sears through my eyes
My beggar's brain can't compromise
I splash cold water, I draw the curtains, I stay inside

And I can't say that it's a sickness, more like a stranger I ask in
And later realize, was a strangler
Slipping nooses in my den
But I was lonely so I asked him, "Would you tie that one on me?"
It wasn't his fault, I was eager, and I was weak

So as I inch towards resolution
Yea I'm not sure which life feels right
A narrow noose or the wading water
The hanging head, sore open eyes
I know my brother he went one way
And at the fork I heard him say
"Don't you follow, don't go making my mistakes"
And I realized what he meant
Don't kill yourself to raise the dead
It never works you'll only end up joining them