Walk Like Thunder

I have this new tattoo of which
The story must be told
About the night I almost
Overdosed ten years ago
I woke up in the hospital
With skin clammy and cold
And tubes in my urethra, down my throat
And up my nose
My friends and the doctors were
All shocked I wasn't dead
That's when Katrina looked at me and
This is what she said

Walk like thunder walk like thunder
Walk like thunder walk like thunder

So I walked to the rebel spot
I walked all over uptown
I walked right side up and
I walked upside down
I walked to Chetzemoka with my eyes
Fixed on the ground yeah
We walked all over Chetze Beach and
Kept the rocks we found
Then I walked back to my parents' house
I walked back to my old bed yeah
I walked back and I walked fast past
All the voices in my head
I walked with the sweats and
I walked with the chills
I walked in New York City and
I walked in Bedford Hills
I walked into open mic nights and
I walked into the rooms
I walked feeling optimistic and
I walked feeling doomed
I walked with some mama's boys and
I walked with some punks
I walked dressed up like a rabbit
I walked dressed up like a skunk
I walked with some givers and
I walked with some leeches
I walked all by myself and I
Walked with the Moldy Peaches
I walked all over the world so I
Could sing my songs to you
And to your most desperate emails I said
"this is what I do"

I walk like thunder walk like thunder
Walk like thunder walk like thunder

But at some point I got so comfortable
That I didn't even realize that
I'd started to crawl
That my old friend Ammi died at
37 of a heart attack
And I cracked ‘cause people my age are
Not supposed to die like that
No no no no people my age are
Not supposed to die like that
He was the old manager of the sidewalk café
That place was a second home to me
It's where I learned to play
And his personality really helped
Create a space
Where a bunch of honest misfit's could
All gather and feel safe
He was a cynic, a supporter, he was crazy
He was queer
He'd either yell out "cut the bullshit" or
He'd say "I'm glad you're here"
And it was always such an honor
To have Ammi on my side
That's why it hit me like a Mack truck
When I found out that he died
Yeah, it hit me like a Mack truck
When I found that he died then enter Alex
33 years old and so sick with the cancer
And trapped inside a body that
Betrayed his real gender
We all hoped and prayed that
He would go into remission
At least long enough
Just long enough to complete his transition
He said, "Kimya
Did you know Eleventeen's my favorite song?"
I said "then get your ass on stage
Right now and you can sing along"
That's the very first song I
Ever wrote all by myself
It's about angels and recovery and
Friends and hope and health
By the time we finished singing
He was pissed off, he was scared
He said "I lost my home
My lover, my insurance, and my hair
And now I'm about to lose you too
My new friend"
I looked into those big blue eyes
And said "we'll meet again"
Yeah I looked into his sad blue
Eyes and said "we'll meet again"
Then I got the phone call from Alyssa
And she told me he was dying
By the time I got to his
Bedside we were both already flying
We held hands and we sang songs
Tried to be strong floated around
While I cursed the skin that he was in for
All the ways it had let him down
Yeah I cursed the skin that he was in for
All the ways it had let him down
But at the same time I was
Taking my own body for granted
First I lost sight of my
Feet then they became unplanted
And I never felt so stupid or
So selfish or so sad yeah
I body had been good to me and
I treated it so bad yeah
My body had been good to me
And I treated it so bad then he said "mama
I don't want my friends to watch me die"
So I kissed his cheek, made him a shirt
And then I said goodbye
And they cremated him in the
Shirt that I drew of the two of us that said
They're flying over you too
Now the silver pink ponies have
My homie in their crew
So I tightened up my laces and
Knew what I had to do

I started walking again
I started walking again i miss my friends
I started walking again
I started walking again i miss my friends

I walk like thunder walk like thunder
Walk like thunder walk like thunder

Even creatures of habit predisposed
To systematically clinging together
In the cold know the measure of a pack
It's not a question of the whole
But the individuals that bottleneck
Into the fold on a March black Sabbath
News from the ministry of make-believe that
Reach a tarmac in Minneapolis middle seat
Yesterday the cells inside his chest
Were growing baby teeth
Today a raven radiated vacancy
Wait-two years ago a friend of mine
Called me to redefine all enemy-kind
I'm at the hospital in twenty-four and
No one knew the future
I'll take it everybody knows the future
Antibodies hatching in a hella back
With no room to maneuver
Like disappearing pills into
The masticated fuchsia
I asked you how you feeling
You told me like a robot
I gave you a Nintendo
You gave yourself a mohawk
You let us wheel you down beneath
The leaning tower of flow charts
To be around your beats without
A beeping sound of bogart
And speak about whatever people speak about
When nobody's acknowledging the
Obvious disease about to crowbar in
Deplane slow, comatose of baggage
From King of Hearts to carrion for jackals
And never got to sing us all
His own swan song right
Coincidentally the rebel in me
Walked like thunder

Walk like thunder