Get Down With the Funky Shit

(spoken, by John)
Get deep into the shit. Get into it. Roll around in it. The shit is brown, so get down with it. Get down with the funk and roll around in it. You can't make a omelet without breakin' a few yolks, so get down into the shit, I’m talkin' all you folks. This shit is totally funky, this shit is not a joke. Listen! Get down into the shit and roll around in it. Be one with this shit and let it stick to your body. Let the shit lift you up, up out of your own shit. The shit will take you higher 'til you perspire from the heat of the sheet. It is hot shit, so don't take it for granted. Don't sit around while the shit is down and pretend like you don't understand it, because this is the liberating, sincere, elevating, all-encompassing, motherfuckin', dick-suckin', funky motherfuckin' shit of absolute and undeniable reality! The shit is real. The shit is the real deal. The shit, in its brownness, in its indisputable viscosity, in its undisputable materiality, in its core, in its soul, it is the shit. And you best get down with it, else it would leave you at the station, because this shit is on the move, and you do not wanna be left behind when the shit train says, "All aboard! Next stop Funkytown! Next stop James Brown!" This shit is rolling, so roll with it! Get into this shit and swallow it whole. Dive in headfirst. Sink down as low as you can go. Open your mouth! Breathe in this shit and swallow it whole, because you need a bellyful of this shit if you wanna do the funk. You need a body full of funky shit if you want to—

This ain't no joke, motherfucker, you think I'm jokin'? This shit has got a great big dick, and you better get down on your knees and start smokin'! Submit to it. Else you will never know the truth. And only the truth is gonna set you free. And you gotta be free and funky, else you ain't nothin' but a clone, a drone for the state, a masturbating dick that ain't never fucked any real shit ever, and is that what you want?

(audience)
No

(John)
Is that what you want, motherfucker?!

(audience)
No! No! Hell no!

(John)
I don't think so. Well, then I believe I have sufficiently elucidated your task, so get to it. Step to it. Get down with the funky shit