To Keep My Love Alive

I've been married and married,
And often I've sighed,
I'm never a bridesmaid,
I'm always the bride.
I never divorced them-
I hadn't the heart.
Yet remember these sweet words
"Till death do us part."

I married many men,
A ton of them,
Because I was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off ev'ry one of them
To keep my love alive

Sir Paul was a frail;
He looked a wreck to me.
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive.

Sir Thomas had insomnia
He couldn't sleep at night.
I bought a little arsenic
He's sleeping now all right.

Sir Philip played the harp;
I cussed the thing.
I crowned with his harp
To bust the thing.
And now he plays where harps are
Just the thing,
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.

I thought Sir George had possibilities,
But his flirtations made me I'll at ease,
And when I'm I'll at ease
I kill at ease
To keep my love alive.

Sir Charles came from a sanatorium
And yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink
He's in memorium
To keep my love alive.

Sir Francis was a singing bird
A nightingale. That's why
I tossed him off my balcony
To see if he could fly
Sir Athelstane indulged in fratricide;
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night I stabbed him at my mattress side
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.