You Can't Do Me

You can't do me, you can't do me, you can't do me the way you did before,
You can't do me, you can't do me, you can't do me the way you did before,
'Cause when you do, and when you do, 'cause when you do, you know I get so blue!
When you do, and when you do, 'cause when you do, you know I get so blue and I go
Down like a deep sea diver, out like a Coltrane tenor-man,
Lost like a Chinese war baby, gone, gone, gone!
Blewed like a Mississippi sharecropper, screwed like a high-school cheerleader,
Tattooed like a popeyed sailorman, gone, gone, gone!

I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
And for a while, for just a while, for a good long while you'd see me smile, smile, smile
I'd crawl the seas on my bony knees, no apologies for my brave new style. I wouldn't go
Bust like an internet millionaire, boom like a Lebanese belly-dancer,
Bang like a new year's firecracker, gone, gone, gone! I wouldn't get
Bent like a rattan rockin' chair, blanked like a last place also ran,
Burned like an Arkansas griddlecake, gone, gone, gone!

I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
And if I was, if I was, if I was then I'd complain no more.
And for a while, for just a while, for a good long while you'd see me smile, smile, smile.
I'd crawl the seas, on my bony knees, no apologies for my brave new style.
I wouldn't get,

Wrecked like a rebel on a racetrack, jacked like a '51 Cadillac,
Macked like a bunny in a mansion, gone, gone, gone!
Spitooned like an Alabama 'backy wad, harpooned in a Melville sailor yard,
Cartooned like a Charlie Brown Christmas card, gone, gone, gone!

Schooled like a milk money bully whip, sued like a teenage downloader,
Unglued like a bull in a china shop, gone, gone, gone!
Cranked like a speed freak high-roller, yanked like a little league ball swatter,
Spanked like a fly on a bar counter, gone, gone, gone!

Duked like a pistol whipped card swapper, rebuked like a Bible Belt border crosser
Juked like a payola chart topper, gone, gone, gone!