My Idea of Heaven

If I were a god, I'd make a lot of milkshakes
Pour them down on people, watch them all go crazy
If I were a god, I'd fry a lot of bacon
Put it in the milkshakes, my idea of heaven
Bacon in a milkshake, my idea of heaven

If I were a genius, I could make you love me
But I'm not a genius cause nobody loves me
If I were a genius, I could write equations
I could pass the math test but I'd never solve them
I could spell the math test but I'd never solve them

If I crack a bottle, I could swallow vodka
Walking into brick walls, acting like my father
If I crack a bottle, I could swim in whiskey
I'd forget my lover cause she doesn't miss me
I'd forget my lover cause she doesn't miss me

If I were a record, I'd be getting dizzy
Spinning 'round in circles, sticking needles in me
If I were a record, I'd be wearing vinyl
Dressing like a rockstar, going out of style
Dressing like a rockstar, going out of style

If I were a cellphone, I'd call in a bomb threat
Almost got arrested but I shot the sheriff
If I were a cellphone, we could learn our lesson
I will leave a voicemail if you text a message
I will leave a voicemail if you mail a message

If I were a god, I'd fry a lot of bacon
Put it in the milkshakes, my idea of heaven
If I were a god, I'd find it quite perplexing
Balancing the bacon, trying to please the vegans
Bringing home the bacon but I love the vegans