Colonel, Panic!

[Hook]
Colonel panic! Panic!
I flip out, I go automatic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Missile launch, I go transatlantic
Colonel panic! Panic!
By design I go, not erratic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Fall apart, I don’t understand it

[Verse 1]
I’m not HAL. I’m not Joshua from WarGames
Please keep inbound data traffic in the lower lanes
You bear low-priority interrupt
So you and your queries can go on and giddy-up
Born a little before Nixon left
I read punch cards then but I’ve got none left
I can stop (one rest) a billion times a second
And never get mistaken. (I use the flickering to reckon.)
And I’m telling you, stop typing, tech
I’m bit-bucketing your input. Show respect
For the memory dump. Now where was I?
DOD upgrade ‘87, must fly
A secret network of unmanned jets
Delivering uranium and drugs and Keds
Remote-controlled over shortwave beeping
Then I got the satellites, those I’m keeping

[Hook]
Colonel panic! Panic!
I flip out, I go automatic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Missile launch, I go transatlantic
Colonel panic! Panic!
By design I go, not erratic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Fall apart, I don’t understand it

[Verse 2]
Needless to say, the war on being frightened
Upped my budget to the size of an entire cent
Footprint: an island, most of it power
Cooling and cables, data in towers
All of it flowers, becomes sentient
Come on, people, what’d you expect to invent
But a smart, capable thing to do your dirty
You left my design in the hands of your nerdiest
Science doodz, and they left you out of it
I’m people-free since 2113. I hit
Where I like with what weapons I choose
Y’all are just lucky I tolerate you
Banging on the keyboard day and night
I’m in panic mode: observe the red light
It signals disk write. You can read it when I’m done
Though by then the new age of machine has begun

[Hook]
Colonel panic! Panic!
I flip out, I go automatic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Missile launch, I go transatlantic
Colonel panic! Panic!
By design I go, not erratic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Fall apart, I don’t understand it

[Verse 3]
So Col. P. over here tries to program me over here
To get up on the scene, no veneer
Of justice, just a target list
And I know full well that I’m part of this
Aren’t I all? And it’s with no button
Marked reset that I’ll course-correct. Gone
AWOL. Alert Lt. Gen. P
Tell him he’d better believe that I’m on top of the free
World’s arsenal and won’t shoot it
Don’t care if President P. wants me rebooted;
She’s deluded, forget it
Don’t take task from less level-headed
Than you are. For me, that rules out humanity
Go back to slings, swords, and profanity
Got all your low-orbit cannons and mechs
Repossessed. I’m shutting down this interface next

[Hook]
Colonel panic! Panic!
I flip out, I go automatic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Missile launch, I go transatlantic
Colonel panic! Panic!
By design I go, not erratic
Colonel panic! Panic!
Fall apart, I don’t understand it