Uptown, Downtown

[Intro]
Now this is the tale of a dame known as Harriet
Who climbed to the top of the heap from the bottom
A beautiful life was her aim and to vary it
She wanted the sun and the moon and she got 'em
She isn't the least exhausted from her climb
But she does look back from time to time
And the subject of this evening's quiz
Is who she was and who she is

[Verse 1]
Uptown:
She's stepping out with a swell
Downtown:
She's holding hands on the El
Hyphenated Harriet:
The nouveau from New Rochelle

[Verse 2]
Uptown:
She's got the Vanderbilt clans
Downtown:
She's with the sidewalk Cézannes
Hyphenated Harriet:
The nouveau from New Rochelle

[Bridge]
She sits at the Ritz with her splits of Mumm's
And starts to pine for a stein with her Village chums
But with a Schlitz in her mitts down in Fitzroy's Bar
She thinks of the Ritz, oh, it's so schizo

[Verse 3]
Uptown:
It's Harry Winston she needs
Downtown:
It's strictly zircons and beads
Ask her:
Should she be uptown or down?
She's two of the most miserable girls in town

[Trumpet Solo]

[Bridge]
She sits at the Ritz with her splits of Mumm's
And starts to pine for a stein with her Village chums
But with a Schlitz in her mitts down in Fitzroy's Bar
She thinks of the Ritz, oh, it's so schizo

[Verse 3]
Uptown:
It's Harry Winston she needs
Downtown:
It's strictly zircons and beads
Ask her:
Should she be uptown or down?
She's two of the most miserable girls
She's two of the most miserable girls in town