Campus Crusade

Sister Cindy used to be a disco queen
Until she come to Jesus, now she's saved
Out on the West Mall with ole Brother Jed
She's fighting the Holy War, the Campus Crusade
Every spring they seem to invade
Oh my God, it's the lunatic fringe on parade

She'd say "I too used to be a sinner
I was a whore among whoremongers
Promiscuous, I used to sniff cocaine
But I live that life no longer
I met Brother Max Lynch and he took me home
But he was a perfect gentleman
We talked about Jesus all night long
The next day I got baptized, washed of my sins

You who are sinners and won't repent
You're going straight to hell
Cast in the Lake of Fire"
(And on the subject of wailing
And gnashing of teeth
Sister Cindy did not easily tire)
She'd say, "Ye must forsake your earthly desires
Ye must pray for the day that Satan retires"

Then it was Brother Jed's turn to testify
Out came the sermon on Rock Stars in Hell
Now can you imagine John Lennon singing
"Imagine there's no heaven"?
The Hendrix 'Experience' he shuddered to tell
And then out came the sermon on the Middle East
And he set on the ground these Dixie cups

He said, "These represent the Arab states when Zion returns"
And then proceed to smash them up
Crush each one of them Dixie cups with a spiteful god's vengeance
He gave a twist of the foot to the Dixie cup that was Palestine
The Middle Eastern students in the crowd would choke with rage
They'd rush to charge the infidels
The campus crusaders wrapped their sermon up quick
"You whores and whoremongers are going straight to hell"

Knock knock (who's there?)
Armageddon (Armageddon who?)
Armageddon outta here...

I'm gonna jump headfirst into that lake of fire
Sister Cindy, Brother Jed, I'm forced to tell
Because with the likes of you campus crusaders up in heaven
I think hell is gonna be just swell