The Gus Haynes Cribbage League

[Intro]
I did my best
But I guess my best wasn’t good enough

[Hook: Milo]
Your pretty Pinterest board ran out of Spackle
And we allowed Adidas to market shoes with shackles
I wish I was more like Gus Haynes
Sticking it to the white man through all of my gut pains
Your pretty Pinterest board ran out of Spackle
And we allowed Adidas to market shoes with shackles
I wish I was more like Gus Haynes
Sticking it to the white man through all of my gut pains

[Verse 1: Milo]
You’re a white supremacist if you wonder what country Obama was birthed in
And went all through high school never reading Zora Neale Hurston (what?)
I promise, I’ll be as pompous as I want to be
And exploit affirmative action to cash in on this Bachelor’s degree
I’m going to write some gibberish and call it “ethnic fiction”
Right after I start an all-black cribbage league
Our club mascot is Huey Newton’s ashy knee
We’re repping meta postmodernity
Until my home is burdened by non-functional furnishings
I got hair like a pad of Brillo
And date girls whose dad could be Don DeLillo
What’s the price on my dignity plus damages
Inflicted on my self esteem through ignorance and ham sandwiches?
You’ll need a larger hedonic calculator
The only black fantasy characters are always grouchy satyrs
I’m in an alley shouting lines from the Crito
Pages stained red from all these flaming hot Cheetos
In my computer chair with a face full of yolk strands
Frantically searching the internet for all-brown folk bands
Couldn’t get signed because my areolae aren’t heart-shaped
Well, that’s certainly a dark fate
No worries, there’s still hope for me
My pan-African hoodie reeks of cocoa butter and potpourri

[Verse 2: Busdriver]
Yea, you just downloaded the red herring one thousand
The black opinion splicer, the Donna Karan of pun jousting
So white tycoons sip on baby blood and a Caligula making up
My crazy duds are straight Baron Münchhausen
Oh what my wooly mane, it filters poison out the gentle breeze
Applaud me as I dunk hoops, my sub-group has special needs
Yep, marginalized to the fever pitch
These Eldridge Cleaver baby tees are a far cry from leadership
But it’s so legit, here’s your ideological punched card
You might need a modicum of under arm
Deodorant, take this black cobra hiss
Oh you think I like to protest? Do you think I’m pro-rich?
Oh, well I guess I’m black, I just didn't think that you noticed
Your quiet disdain for black males makes me motion sick
That’s why I’m a sourpuss, swag stays on our books
Hunched over a power book I’m posting pics of my swollen prick
Against exposed brick
A colored whore for hire
Trapped like a goldfish
Oh my lungs, they’re two atavistic steamboats
Filled with negro spirituals and a sweet cream for that brioche
And I guess you’re right man my weed’s rich in chlorophyll
My ejaculate is cornmeal and my diploma is an orange peel
And my sense of rhythm acts like a force field
Protecting me from you, or you from me
(Tone it down, 'driver)
What’s that in your gun holster?
Oh this is the de-negro-tiser
I shoot myself with it until I’m whiter than Peter Piper
Now I’ll be able to bow before a world leaders mitre
And tell them the shackles on my Adidas sneakers need to be tighter
Cause right now man, I’m free like a zebra in Zaire
So I’ll hop in a time machine to have my lineage wiped clean
And I’ll entertain yuppies as they buy tight jeans and Thai cuisine
Gus Haynes

I did my best
But I guess my best wasn’t good enough

[Hook x2]

[Verse 3: Milo]
I be in the club draped in BUFU
Throwing hexes, voodoo
Black magic, juju
That’s why I ain’t mad when they watch the throne
Go ahead and let Waka Flocka dip his Glock in chrome
Make an interviewer call me Bruce Wavy like I’m Max B
No doubt I’ve read more Nietzsche than what they’ve asked of me
But these bastards will make a plaster cast of me
Guy Fieri-narrated biopic of Malcolm-Jamal Warner
In my utopia Newt Gingrich is an illegal foreigner
Diners, drive-ins and dives