That Guy

I heard a young woman say she liked the X-Men
Oh yes, I said, the films I assume?
It turns out she loved the Chris Claremont and John Byrne run
But her favourite character these days is Doop
Suddenly I saw myself standing in the rain
Masturbating in a skip

And I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be him

I went for a curry with people I worked with
I asked for a Balti and rice
They said they were sorry, they didn't do Balti
"Its South Indian cuisine - try a dosa, they're nice"
Suddenly I saw myself watching Top Gear
Eating English Breakfast from a can

And I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be him

When I talk to younger people I think of when
I was in my 20s and knew some middle-aged men
Leather jackets, pony-tails, at the back at gigs
They swim through my conscience like Kraken

Exams - if anything they're probably more difficult
Politicians - I doubt they're really all the same
Pop Music - it changes with every generation
If people my age like it is has failed

Suddenly I saw myself on BBC4
Comparing One Direction to Chaucer

And I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be that guy
I don't want to be him
But I am