Enduring the Waves

Reading about Buddhism
And listening to Xasthur
On the subway in New York City
Back when you were my home
Not that long ago

This (this churning life)
Life (of avalanches)
Upends me
Again and again (it spins)

Each night (each day plummets into night)
Now my mind in the dark
Brings it all roaring back

That you could not bear me
(Can I bear the uncertainty that arrives)
On the wind that came in through the door?

That I can not hold you
(Holding you in my mind)
Our devotions mismatched
(Waking up surprised, with no one around)
(And wondering who?)

We could have bridged the gap
But it yawned and swallowed
This world of ours
That's now yours and mine (that's now mine and yours)

This life bulldozed (this life)
By ridiculous sensitivities (clinging to rocks in wind)
Seeing your face everywhere
And there's no escape (seeing this long chance)
Except what if we could go further in?
We were each others' reward
For enduring the waves
(The wages of dying is love)
(Like the poem says)
As long as the one last leap
Into the dark
Is whole hearted
It almost was