No Irish Need Apply

I'm a decent boy just landed
From the town of Ballyfad
I want a situation, yes
And wants it very bad
I seen employment advertised - "It's
Just the thing" says I
But the dirty spalpeen ended with
'No Irish Need Apply'

"Woah" says I, "but thats an insult
Though to get the place I'll try"
So I went to see the blaggard
With his 'No Irish Need Apply'
Some may think it a misfortune to
Be christened Pat or Dan
But to me it is an honor
To be born an Irishman

Well I started out to find the house
I got it mighty soon
There I found the old chap seated
He was reading the Tribune
I told him what I came for
When he in a rage did fly
"No!" he says, "you are a Paddy
And no Irish need apply"
Well I gets my dander risin'
I'd like to black his eye
To tell an Irish gentleman
'No Irish Need Apply'
Some may think it a misfortune to
Be christened Pat or Dan
But to me it is an honor
To be born an Irishman

Well I couldn't stand it longer
So ahold of him I took
And I gave him such a whelping
As he'd get at Donnybrook
He hollered "Milia murther" and to
Get away did try
And swore he'd never write again
'No Irish Need Apply'

Well he makes a big apology
I bid him then good-bye
Saying "when next you want a beating
Write 'No Irish Need Apply'"
Some may think it a misfortune to
Be christened Pat or Dan
But to me it is an honor
To be born an Irishman