I’m a Shlup

[Intro: Bill Burr]
I didn't do, I didn't do shit today
I really, yeah, someone's joinin' the club
I just watched TV, I'm a fucking loser
No, I was watchin' today, I was watchin' that show, uh, MTV Cribs
That's my show, you guys watch that show? You like that?
You know, where they show the rockstars and the rapper's houses and all that stuff?
Doesn't that show make you feel like a loser? It's awful!
Self-esteem's out the window, watching Britney Spears
It's when she was like 20 years old
She's like, "Oh my god, this is my helicopter
I had it spray-painted pink to match my tube top, so cool
I put some glitter on the dih dih dih dih dih part
We're gonna fly up to the house"
I'm like 34, sitting on a futon, eating macaroni and cheese
"Oh my god! I'm a loser! I'll never own a helicopter!
How the hell did she get a helicopter?!"

[Verse: Quinn XCII]
They say I'm good, then why they hold me? I'm locked down
Nowadays, the common attitude is to turn up
Makin' raps in the kitchen, I toss a couple of freestyles
Chef's spittin' that flame, hotter enough to burn up
Girl, be what you wanna be, nothin' is fake
I be stuntin' like Ryan Reynolds, you could be Blake Lively
Step inside of that center, we rockin' my crew, Motley
Tell me why them stereotypical rappers on Miley
La da dee da dee, they know to party
Burn a couple of records of Jay, Cole, and [?]
My gin bucket of that Bombay steam like Ali
Harry Potter fan, I'm breakin' bread with Dobby
They say you crazy man, go and get a new hobby
What the hell you mean? I'm makin' this go, kick it like Robby
When it smell like Old Fashioned
And you know I'm bringin' that Wasabi
Reservation for 20, nine groupies packed in the lobby
And they all do it

[Outro: Bill Burr]
Seriously, 'cause none of those people are savin' their money
Half of 'em, all they have is, like, one hit song
So should they really be buyin' all of that shit?
Seriously, 20-room house, seven, eight cars
It's like, "Dude, don't you watch Behind the Music?
You know what I mean?
You're gonna be smokin' crack in, like, six weeks!
Hold on to this shit"