Never Been Better

I’m sick of feeling fucking pointless
Spent the last two years chasing serotonin
Gave myself enough space to stay safe and stay stagnant
I praise myself for all my little things until I lack them
Should’ve been something by now, I guess I should be working harder
It’s so hard to chase my dreams and then go work to pay my car off
I don’t want to work no more, I think I’d rather fucking starve
Yeah, some days it’s work just getting out of bed at all
I haven’t been sleeping lately
I’m waking with the sun in different cities, it’s crazy
Can’t relate to anyone, it’s hard being how I been
Always on the run, I’m fucking sick of the motions
Always looking for something
Well the grass seems green when you stand in the street
The whole block seems grey to me
I’m losing touch with reality
Came to terms with mortality
Built a wall to keep in and keep the evil up out of me
But I’m much less better off
I don’t wanna talk
I don’t wanna live
Shit gets dark
Everything I love is everything I lost
I paid more than it ever cost
I’ll be waiting right here ‘til the rain gets better
And if it don’t let up, we can wait it out together
Keep saying it’s fine even when I’m unwell
These things take time, I can handle myself
When it all goes south, we can blame it on the weather
If anybody asks, I’ve never been better
I’m making peace with my past self
What did I spend all those years chasing after?
I wish being young wasn’t so hard
Maybe none of that shit even mattered
Well it floats around my head, I’m still stuck on being a kid
Every memory I hold is just something I wish I did a little differently
I’m dividing my misery
Holding onto that and those who ain’t holding onto me
And ooh ain’t that the worst part, suffocating?
I’m worse than I first thought, fucking save me
I just need a little help holding on in the darkness
I just needed someone with the light when I lost it
Everything inside is a war, I’m exhausted
I’ve been tryna fight here, running out of options
Slowly getting older, running out of time
Isolating myself, maybe that’s why
I feel the most lonely when everyones around me
How can I feel alone when all the love I know surrounds me?
When tides get high I dive into the knows-no-bounds me
Pretend to tread water but often I end up drowning
But the pain comes in waves, I go swimming every day
It feels more just like a storm when the tides decide to change
I’ve been watching channel 6, when will this shit go away?
Until then, I stand
I stay
I’ll be waiting right here ‘til the rain gets better
And if it don’t let up, we can wait it out together
Keep saying it’s fine even when I’m unwell
These things take time, I can handle myself
When it all goes south, we can blame it on the weather
If anybody asks, I’ve never been better
I see you speaking better late, how you feeling babe?
I’ve seen your pictures and your smile, you must be doing great
It’s really good to see you out, seems you’re feeling better now
It’s scary when you’re not around, couldn’t live without you now
I’ll be waiting right here ‘til the rain gets better
And if it don’t let up, we can wait it out together
Keep saying it’s fine even when I’m unwell
These things take time, I can handle myself
When it all goes south, we can blame it on the weather
If anybody asks, I’ve never been better
I’ve never been better
If anybody asks, I’ve never been better