Rubber Love
Safe sex... God damn these fucking bastards. GET OFF OF OUR BACK!
Because a few fags fucked some monkeys...
They got so bored, their own assholes weren’t enough
They had to go in the fucking jungle, grab some fucking monkey and fuck him in the ass...
And bring us back the black plague of the fucking 80s. Thanks, guys!
Because of this shit, they want us to wear fucking rubbers
Man, why don’t just turn back the hands of time...
Wear rubbers, man, these fucking pricks. Who the f...
Do we LIKE TO WEAR RUBBERS, GUYS?
[male audience members]
NO!
[Sam Kinison]
WE HATE RUBBERS! WE FUCKING HATE 'EM!
They’re a pain in the ass, they’re unromantic!
They’re so fucking unromantic. They take the romance out of sex, I’m telling you
It’s just... oh Jesus, you know... it’s just- It’s sad
It’s gross, it’s a pain in the ass. You know?
Your dick doesn’t understand what the fuck is going on
It’s like, “What are we doing, robbing a fucking bank? What’s the ski mask about, boss, huh? What, is she that ugly? Are we fucking a guy? What’s going on here? [???] I thought she wanted me to see, boss. What are you doing? Hey!”
Yeah, the dick’s totally thrown off, y’know
And women don’t understand you have to maintain an erection... while you put this fucking balloon over the head of your fucking dick. That’s a lot of fun
“Nothing keeps me stiffer than... come here, get in there..."
They’re a pain in the fucking ass
Oh, you know what they remind me of?
They remind me of, like, you feel like you just ate a Kentucky Fried Chicken snack pack. You know?
It’s like that little, the little wet nap they have in there that you pull out...
Same mental image, you know? Fuck that shit...
First of all, if you don’t trust the pussy, why are you fucking the pussy?
What are you trying to PROVE?
Shit, man...
I guess some guys just don’t care, “I don’t care, but I gotta have it! [roars]”
I don’t think you should fuck unless you’re really in love, you know?
It may be for a very short fucking time
Doesn’t mean it’s gonna last a lifetime, but uh...
You know? It just makes it more special, doesn’t it?
I know people freak, like, “What are you saying, don’t wear rubbers? What are you saying?”
I know people freak, “Aren’t you afraid of AIDS? Aren’t you afraid of it?
It’s a communicable disease. Heterosexuals die of it too!”
Name ONE!
Name ONE FUCKING het-
Yeah, they’re just dropping like flies, aren’t they?
Yes, any day now, oh oh oh...
It’s not our dance, alright?
Fuck you. It’s not our fucking dance. You know...
They don’t look like they’re having that much fun to me
Especially now, but you never see these gay guys going
“Oh God, uhh... I don’t miss pussy very much... Oh, God, ugh ugh...
This is almost as much fun! Oh yeah, this’ll do, oh yeah...”
Yeah, OK, whatever you say...