The People's Douche

What's up?

I'm sorry to interrupt your
Evening at the eatery but I'm about to freak
What you believe unbelievably
You will see, every time Sparker, comma
Peter speaks it's bacon for the Jews and gay
Marriage for the Jesus freaks
VHS tapes flying out the red box
All the Yankee's fans cheering
For the Red Sox
And the neo nazis all growing dread locks
Listenin' to Erykah Badu until
Their head nods
I got Facebook accounts for the Amish
Throw a little steak in while
I'm makin' Vegans omelettes
Democrats out hunting in the forestry
Republicans giving tax cuts to minorities
All the beer snobs chillin'
Sippin' Natty Ice
While I take a bachelor and match
Him with a battered wife
Got the Hipsters clothes shopping at Walmart
Hanging with the B Team
Acting like they're all stars
Unplugging tanning booths in Little Italy
Hanging with some country music
Fans bumping Lil B
Making A&R's spit bars and vans
While I'm reading poetry to some Nascar fans

Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch
I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day
I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor
So they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their
Food up at the dollar store

I got some alpha males thinking they're lame
Donald Trump just asked me for spare change
The Westboro Baptist Church is having gay sex
While I got the sneaker heads
Shopping up in Payless
Then I got the teenagers
All leaving social media
And reading what a library is on Wikipedia
I could make a morning person
Sleep into the evening
Shit, I got Lebron James
Moving back to Cleveland
I could get the housewives
To all stop gossiping
And get the Taliban starting
All girls colleges (colleges)
Illiterate people
They all want to read about it
Let's do something sweet and
Not tweet about it
Dead beat dads asking where the diapers are
Drag queens all dancing in the biker bar
Jocks giving geeks props as the
Pass in the hall
I got Kobe Bryant passing the ball, come on

Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch
I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day
I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor
So they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their
Food up at the dollar store
Man the day is gonna come
When the bosses will be generous
And all the employees will
Get some benefit's, for once
And until the day it does
You know I'm your fucking bud
It's the people's douche
Now let me see those dirty hands up!

Put your hands up
If you only got a dollar in your
Pocket and that shit ain't enough
Put your hands up put your hands up
If you're not here to put 'em up ‘cause
You had to work and couldn't come

Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch
I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day
I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor
So they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their
Food up at the dollar store
Man the day is gonna come
When the bosses will be generous
And all the employees will
Get some benefit's, for once
And until the day it does
You know I'm your fucking bud
It's the people's douche
Now let me see those dirty hands up!