Shoot If You Must

M is for the many things I don't like
Overkill is one of them, my dear
T is for the train which I intend to grab
H is for the head which I revere
Did you say
Shoot if you must?
You are kidding, I trust
Joan of Arc or Molly Pitcher I'm not
What's more, the war's in the bag
And you've got a spare flag
But this is the only gray head I've got
Shoot he will do
When I throw him the cue
And since when is getting clobbered a thrill?
A hero I'd like to be
But not posthumously
Who needs to get bumped off
In their windowsill?
I hear Stonewall Jackson's
Hostile through and through
If the truth were known, he
Hates his mother, too
Just to stay alive
Is this poor mother's goal
But who stays Stonewall Jackson
Practices gun control?
Did you say
Shoot if you must?
You are kidding, I trust
Go and book some other woman, I pray
I've got a daughter and son
I've just had my hair done
And, brother, on top of that, it's Mother's Day
Why should I become a sitting duck?
What's the percentage, brother, in that?
Go get some other patsy who won't mind a
Big fat hole in her hat, 'cause this is my
Only old gray head
Call the D.A.R. instead
And let them salute while they holler
Shoot if you must