I Am Nobody

I remember, dyin in december from depression
When I was told life would get better
But it don't get better, it gets the opposite
This anxiety I try to stay on top of it, but there's a lot of it
When I'm awake it cripples me, when I'm asleep it's in nightmares killin me
But just before it does, I fuckin wake up in a cold sweat, then hold my breath
Hopin I can suffocate, but I'm alive and so it's time to hide the pain another day
That's prolly why I'm tired all the time, the lies weighin on my mind, not my face
Might as well pretend I'm okay, I fee l like they wouldnt care if I died anyways
You can't relate to me so please don't,  any words would be fake, 'cause we aint spoke
Every laugh at my ideas, and ignored post, thats every day I feel more forgotten
And every reason that I have for losing all hope

I am the darkness creeping in
I am the secrets seen within
I am the pain that seems to win
I am the reason this will end
I am the writing on the wall
I am the ladder bout to fall
I am the hurt inside us all
I am nobody at all

Let me down, set me up for a hard crash
Can't get behind the wheel without desire for a car crash
Lights out, the bills and the pain, the stress and the strain, it all stops, it could all end right now
But for some reason I can't force myself to do it, and ruin my family's lives, so I just suffer through it
Feelin like I ooze mediocrity has got to me, so followin my dreams just seems fuckin stupid
My own shame's just another reinforcement, I can place the blame but I'm no better at supportin
I try to make it out to shows to see my friends performin'
But I can't shake the panic attacks forcin my brain to see everything I see as a warning
And my body shuts down, so I'd rather see 'em dormant, so I avoid 'em
Still, no excuse, I'm a fucking piece of shit, or at least that's what mind wants me to think

I am the darkness creeping in
I am the secrets seen within
I am the pain that seems to win
I am the reason this will end
I am the writing on the wall
I am the ladder bout to fall
I am the hurt inside us all
I am nobody at all

Anxious afraid got me playing like I'm closed off
Yet I'm reaching out for help from another close call
No one's there to grab me so I slip into a slow fall
Everybody left while I was tryna climb my own wall
Now it's just me, more alone than I ever was
How quiet should it be before I finally just self destruct
No one's telling me the world would be better but
No one's sayin otherwise, so I might sleep forever 'cause

I am nobody at all