Chili Lemon Peanuts

Scenic drive from Auburn to Diamond Springs
American River sparkles under the bridge on this fine day of spring
To the left Sutter's Fort where they discovered gold to the right rolling vineyards and apple orchards
I just passed the bridge and the sign for the town Cool
No, but that sign was the last for the Tim Mooney ever took
Before he left the world back in Nevada City
It was the summer where we cried for his wife and his daughter Dixie
Second day of April home still decorated Christmas-y
The front lawn's been cut and the backyard has a fallen tree
Tomorrow my yard guy's gonna get back there and cut it to pieces
I'm on the front porch staring at this old dusty bible and I'm writing lyrics
And on the floors, an old pearloid accordion made by Hohner
Three gas lamps, two antique, and the other faux
And I'm out here and it feels good
(In this moment) In this moment
Writing words on my big, black Victorian wrap-around porch

Next we gotta be leaving maybe slightly but not so sadly gonna see Manny Pacquiao fight against Timothy Bradley
Where I predict Manny will lose by decision, suffering him to the fourth, five brains bashed in, his hangarounds keep winning
Then I'm going down to New Orleans for Gulf Coast oysters
That's right, baby, I'm living my dream
For the first moment I ever picked up guitar I knew my life would go down a different road than the kid next door

I hear the birds outside tweet, tweet, tweeting
And the cars along the highway off in the distance
I hear an owl up in the tree hoot, hoot, hoot, hooting
I hear a Spanish radio in the basement talk, talk, talking

I smell the sardine can from the meal I've just eaten
Gonna put this pen down, stare off into the sky, dreaming with my heart is the world's biggest smile
For the hell of it I'm gonna read a random passage from the Bible
It's been in this house since the first day I owned it
It was laying open, swear I'd never touch it but my housekeeper picked it up and closed it
So here we go, gonna read just a bit of it
Then look off into the pines and let my mind drift

Chapter 9, St. Luke
Christ sends forth his apostles, feeds five thousand with five loaves, is transfigured and casts out a devil. Then calling together the twelve apostles, he gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases. And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick. And he said to them: Take nothing for your journey; neither staff, nor scrip, nor bread, nor money; neither have two coats. And whatsoever house you shall enter into, abide there, and depart not from thence. And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off even the dust of your feet, for a testimony against them
And going out, they went about through the towns, preaching the gospel, and healing everywhere

So there I was, I read a part of the book of Jesus
Now I'm eating sunflower seeds and chili lemon peanuts
Sipped on a bottle of Glacéau smartwater
And fell asleep until from upstairs my girl woke me up when she hollered

12:45 AM
SNL, Gwen Stefani, and the short actor guy, what's his name?
We are the beautiful dead and the beautiful night
I love my girl and my home and this miracle of life

1:04 AM, Vdara Hotel
Room 14015, April 9, 2016
Our day started today with many kisses
You were on your way out the door to Southern California 'til the fourteenth
And I was on my way to Las Vegas, then to New Orleans
When you said bye and closed my apartment door behind you
A heavy feeling fell upon me, it hit me in a very real way
That we'll live the rest of our lives together
And that gives me so much happiness and comfort
But it also hit me harder than ever before that one day we'll say goodbye for a final time
Every day we get closer and closer to death
I have no illusions of an afterlife
And have no idea how much longer I have on this planet
Or what my quality of life will be in five, ten, fifteen years
Where will our final goodbye be? What condition will I be in?
And how will your health be? Are we even sure we'll be in the same place when one of us has to go?
I don't like goodbyes
I've had enough last goodbyes with people to know that it's the most painful emotion in the world
I don't want to live for eternity, life is filled with too much sorrow
My mind keeps flashing to a woman I saw recently
Of her and her son asleep in the car on the Tenderloin on a very hot day
They were in a tow-away zone and looked to be completely passed out
She had a big map open on her lap
But I knocked on the door and though she couldn't speak to me she was okay
My biggest hope in life is that you are beside me when I die
I've lived many lifetimes in forty-nine years
But the best time of my life is of my days and years spent with you
I'm getting older and my stomach is bloated and feels off
I burp too much, I'm that middle-aged guy with a gut that I never thought I'd be
And here I am in Las Vegas
Family men with bellies bigger than mine are walking around with Guns N' Roses t-shirts
My elevator was shared with people who've arrived from the Philippines to see the Pacquiao fight
How many more times will I fly to Las Vegas?
I saw Pacquiao when he was rising
In San Francisco in 2000 at Bill Graham
Now he's thirty-seven and this might be his last fight
My money is on Bradley to win by a decision
That's why I'm here, to see what may be Manny's last fight, if in fact he does win
I'm getting older and Las Vegas is as wild as ever
But I'm tired and I hear the hum of a small refrigerator
My mind and my eyes are fading
Vdara Hotel, 1:03 PM, April 9th
Meeting Tony in the lobby at 2:00 PM for lunch
Just turned on CNN
"Paris terror fugitive is hitman in Brussels bombing"
I woke up at about 9:00 AM

Terrible nightmare that Caroline and I were being followed by this creepy lizard-y-looking plastic surgery guy I saw on the plane yesterday
He was following us to a hotel
But I was diplomatic, turned around, and told him we'd meet him on the balcony of some bar nearby
When we arrived and talked to him, he started throwing insults at me
And I knocked his drink out of his hand and into the street
He stayed there unfazed
Then I grabbed him by his neck, lifting him, pushing him almost, but not quite, over the balcony
I told him to go fuck himself and to stay the fuck out of our lives
He finally shut his stupid mouth
And as we left, Caroline told me that I was good with dealing with creeps
That was the end of the dream

April 10, seat 2E, United Airlines, Las Vegas to New Orleans
The fight didn't go as I thought
To me, the math added up to Bradley winning by a decision, if it went the distance
But Bradley was knocked down twice and lost
Bradley had a few moments and I jumped up out of my seat, threw my fists in the air, and got pumped up with excitement
But Manny was faster and countered him
Manny was the best fighter that night
We were in seat 19B, right where the fighters entered and exited
I felt bad for Bradley when he passed
His trainer Teddy Atlas looked deflated, yet stoic at the same time as he exited
Manny's mother and his wife and kids were all smiles when they exited
I sat in my chair for a long time after the fight, hemming and hawing about the defeat
I owe money on my lost bet
The fight hadn't gone as I predicted
And that's life