The Wayward Granddaughter

He said "Come on now babe,
Let's take a little drive.
Go slumming down the Carson's in my black X-5."

Samples from the Clinique counter and up the escalator.
And then a knowing glance from last night's cute, talkative waiter.
Surprise, surprise.

Going through 500 king Egyptian size count satin cotton sheets,
A smirk hello from the tanning salon boy.
My man mumbled, he realized:
"They told me that she cheats."

"Oh, don't you start! Jealous heart."
Jealous heart. Jealous heart.

I put one foot forward and one foot back,
My hand upon my hip.
I gave my hair a flip.
I can't help it.
What's he think I got all this loving for?
Well guess what?
He don't pay my bills no more.

Well I guess
All this stuff
That'll befall ya and bedevil ya
And try ya
I'll move back in with Yaiyai.

My daughter, we named her Maureen.
Can you believe it?
(I never believed it, or her.)
Because she called you Connie.
The Don Juan he, my husband, loved redheards and thought this name
Would turn his baby into the same,
And each time I see you, Connie,
(Yes?)
I say God bless, my dear departed Peter,
That he never had to meet her,
His beautiful granddaughter who dyed -
It would have killed him again -
Her gorgeous red-brown hair black
When she turned 15 behind my back.
You lived with me at that time.
(Yes, I did.)
You were such a cute and smart and obedient and happy and pretty little kid,
My beautiful granddaughter who dyed
Her gorgeous red-brown hair black
When she turned fifteen behind my back.
And which Kevin were you dating -
I mean letting take advantage of you -then,
The black one, or the white one?

Once upon a time there were two Kevins.
(You mean two jerks.)

Once upon a time there were two Kevins,
And being with one Kevin was being in one heaven.
And not being with the other swell was being in another, well,
Kevin and Kevin were best friends since seven,
La la la-la-la la la.

When they met at Joey Meyer's
Red White and Blue Demon basketball seminar tutorial clinic day care camp
For underprivileged kids
And overstimulated brats.
And they're both wearing vintage throw-back 45 dollar 1983 White Sox hats.
And now at H-F,
Point guard and shooting guard.

And now at H-F,
Point guard and shooting guard,
And the drill team shouting themselves deaf,
And then back in the back yard,
Yours, Yaiyai,
With the one and then the next night with the other one and one big secret.
I mean two.
But little did I know that they knew,
They knew.

And would slap each other on the back
About what it was they'd do.
They knew.
They knew.

Well, we can talk about it, Connie.
But often, memories are better off sung.
Remember when you were young?
Remember when I was young?
Remember when you were young?
Remember when I was young?

La la la...
La la la...