Twice Daily

When I were a lad I were so glad to go out in the daytime
With me fork, and a bottle and a cork to help out in the haytime
While tossin' hay upon the mound met young Lucy Bailey
And I said my dear Are you often here, she said Yes sir, twice daily

We had such fun in the summer sun, Lucy were so thrillin'
Sweet and pure but I wern't sure that young maid were willin'
Till one day among the hay we was working gaily
She up's and slips and zomut rips and I went there twice daily

(Oh Ah Oh I did too)

She said dear I do feel queer think I outa tellee
Tant new bread she sadly said that swelling up me belly
Told her go to Doctor Joe off she went so gaily
He gave a dollop of a gert thick jollop and said take this twice daily

( Orriable stuff twer )

Now Lucy's dad wer very mad, chased I 'round the haymound
Said my son you've had your fun, the time has come to pay now
My girl you'll wed, the old man said as he waved his shotgun gaily
If you don't, he says, I'll put the lead and you won't go there twice daily

(Ow painful that )

Well the very next day in the month of May held the ceremony
Paid off the vicar with a gallon of liquor, rode to church on a pony
And the village folks from miles around waved and shouted gaily
There's no doubt you'll get found out if you goes there twice daily

( They were right too (I did)

Now to Lucy's joy she had a boy, what a little darlin'
Round and fat as a Cheshire cat, perky as a starlin'
Skin were smooth as a cider jar and they called him Buster Bailey
Fed him on sweeds and charlotte weeds and a pint of scrump twice daily

( Fat little bleeder too)

Now we'me old, our story's told, forty years together
And we often stray where we tossed the hay in that old time summer weather
Kids we've got full ten or more, we goes on quiet gaily
Tho' I'm old and grey when I've got me way I still go there twice daily